Anxiety // Jakob Delgado

29. | 7 weeks before

Hailey:

I wake up the next morning feeling like crap. Well, I feel okay. I just don't want to go to school. I wait for Mum to come in and tell me I've slept through my alarm, then I play the sick card.

"Mum, I feel horrible." I groan.

"What about your party tonight?" She asks. I've always been honest with her; that's why she believes me.

"If I stay home today, I'll be okay for the party tonight. I really want to go, Mum, it will be good for me." I tell her. If I'm being honest, I believe my act is good.

"Alright, fine. I'll see you tonight, okay? Be home by eleven." Mum kisses my forehead before walking out.

I stay in bed until I hear my phone go off on my side table. At first I think it's Jakob so I rush to look at it. It's not Jakob, though.

Chrissle my pickle: is this still your number? I saw you weren't at school and I was wondering if you can still come tonight.

I smile at his name in my phone. That was a good day and a good memory. Then I start to feel bad. What about Jakob? If he doesn't answer my calls, how am I supposed to fix this? He doesn't control my life, right? I can do what I want. I'm going to that damn party. For me.

Hailey: I can still go.

Chrissle my pickle: great ;) I'll pick you up at 7.

The rest of the day I spend occupying my mind with other things. I play piano, I watch a movie and I scroll through all of my social media. I haven't posted in weeks but I still check it every day. Im preparing my head for tonight, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach. I'm not going to back out of this now.

By the time 7:00 comes around, I'm ready to go. I'm wearing the clothes I bought for the Ed Sheeran concert and Mum did my make up. Now I'm sitting on the couch, fiddling with the rings on my fingers. I'm so anxious but i'm not going to let it win. My medication slipped down my throat long ago, so I should be okay. That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

Chrissle my pickle: I'm pulling up now.

Chris is a year older than me and therefore, can drive. He's only been able to drive other people for a month now. I noticed him driving alone to and from school. My legs shake slightly as I walk down my driveway, aware that Chris' eyes are on me. I stare at the ground until I reach the car.

"You look really good." He smiles as I open the door and get in.

"Th-thank you.." I stutter, closing my eyes and calming my embarrassment.

"Don't be nervous, Hailey," Chris tells me. "You're going to be fine."

Lara's house isn't far from mine and we are pulling up within a few minutes. I stay in the car for a few seconds, composing myself. Then Chris opens my door and I know I have to get out.

"Thank you." I manage to say without stuttering this time. Chris slides his arm around mine, causing us to walk arm in arm. I feel bad, but then I remember that Jakob and I aren't dating. He can't say that and then not let me see other people.

As we walk through the front door, I'm hit with the smell of sweat and alcohol. The music is blaring and people are everywhere, talking and dancing. Chris walks me over towards where Ethan and Lara are standing. That's when the anxiety hits. I swallow the nausea in my throat and pull my arm out of Chris'. I proceed to twist the rings on my fingers, my head starting to spin.