EU Discussion Book

The Courtship of Princess Leia

Tell me I'm the only one who loves to rant about stuff they hate. Go on! I dare you! That's right. Well, I have long awaited writing this review. I have sooo much hate to spill forth, I'm so excited to share this with you guys! This review is on The Courtship of Princess Leia by Dave Wolverton, by far the worst EU book EVER! The characterization was horrid, the plot terrible, and I liked about one scene from this entire book. One. And its main plot has to do with Leia. It's in the title. The courtship of Princess Leia.
Alright, I'm sorry. Let's just start already. So, the book starts out with our beloved dashing rogue Han. He's returning to Coruscant from a long mission and he feels really tired, exhausted. And he can't wait to see Leia. Here's a cute, tiny snippet of Han's yearning.

Han longed to get off the Calamarian ship, longed even more for the taste of Leia's kisses, the caress of her hand on his brow. He'd seen too much darkness lately.

Oh, that's sweet. If only it stayed sweet. Now, Han heads for his quarters where he's told he's receiving a comm call from Leia. She tells him she's missed him, then skips straight to the mess. She asks him to come to some Grand Reception Hall where she'll be trying, in an effort to find allies willing to help aide the burgeoning New Republic, to broker a deal with the Hapan Consortium; a reclusive, rich (snobby if I say so myself) cluster of 63 planets all ruled under one Queen Mother whom they honor like a goddess. Han warns her that they aren't an easy people to work with and Leia responds by saying that Han doesn't even know them. Well, being the good friend Han is, he comes to watch his nightmare come true.
With a huge crowd there to witness, the Hapans present Leia with a gift from every one of their planets. This list includes rainbow gems, a thought puzzle, a weird tree, and a Hapan Gun of Command. They stop giving her gifts and Leia points out that they've only given her 62; she hasn't gotten a gift from Hapes yet. Oh, Leia! Just as well!

In response to this, the Hapans smile and tell her that they've been saving their greatest gift for last. Cue handsome, burly, blonde prince. Prince Isolder exits a Hapan freighter and greets Leia in Basic and . . . proposes. No, no. I don't mean like some diplomatic proposal. I mean like, get down on one knee, pull out a ring and ask her to marry him. Leia doesn't turn down this proposal, but asks the prince for time to consider it. To which Isolder responds, "My days and nights are yours, Princess."
Well, you can imagine how Han reacted. Upon hearing Leia ask for time to consider, Han practically blows up. Leia leaves, invites Han to a dinner Isolder will also be attending, and Han comes. He picks a verbal fight with Isolder and the prince, charming to the last, refuses to take the bait, drawing special attention from Leia. After dinner, Han is terrified of losing Leia and extremely jealous of Isolder. He enters into a high-stakes game of sabacc in which he wins a planet the other pirates and mercenaries call Dathomir. In giving this planet to Leia, Han hopes to impress her and win her back as he means to suggest this planet as a new home for the Alderaanian refugees. He shows it to her and it turns out . . . Dathomir is in Empire territory! Leia mocks him, makes fun of him for giving her an Imperial planet and feelings are hurt.
Back to after dinner, this is what Leia does . . . She's walking with Isolder when an attempt is made on Leia's life. Isolder throws himself in front of her and saves her. Leia then thinks the following:

He held Leia lightly, protectively, and her heart hammered. She pushed at him gently and said, "Thank you for saving me."
Prince Isolder focused on the sounds around him so strongly at first he seemed not to notice she was pushing him away. Then he looked down into her eyes. He lifted her chin and kissed her forcefully, passionately, and stepped in closer so that the entire length of him pressed against her.
Leia's mind seemed to go white, and her whole body felt electric. Her jaw was trembling, but she kissed him long and slowly, the seconds ticking away far slower than the pounding in her chest. With each second she could think of only one thing, I'm betraying Han. I don't want to hurt Han. But then Isolder whispered in her ear, demanding. "Come away with me to Hapes! Come see the worlds you will rule!"