Persephone,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I'm sad and I'm a mess of emotions but that's okay. And that's okay because I have you - or had you. Things have been bad lately. And when I say bad I don't just mean bad as usual but horrific bad, as in the type of bad that leaves your chest weak and body numb and options limited to none but one. And that rhymed and I am feeling my inner Shakespeare breaking through but that's okay, because Shakespeare expressed himself and I don't but that's okay.
You say you don't believe in perfection but every time I look at you all I see is beauty and stars and the colour pink and it is perfect - you are perfect. The fact you can't see just how perfect you are makes me so angry because society has taught you to ignore it. To ignore it and ignore me and ignore anyone who tells you differently because it feeds off of your insecurities and uses you for money. And I hate it. And you don't need to wear makeup just to feel beautiful. You are beautiful
I know you won't wait for me, and you may say will. But you won't. Because you need to live and love and learn, but don't doubt that I won't find you when I am back. I will find you and I will fight for you and if you are happier with another, I will wait for you.
This is not goodbye, Sephy, because goodbye insinuates I am leaving and I am not. I will never leave you, even when I'm old and wrinkly and dribble when I eat, I will never leave you. For you have my heart,
Samuel.
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It was the fifth time I had read that letter, and tears streamed down my face. It had been 3 years since I had last seen Sam but my heart was still with him. I could still feel his lips on my cheeks and his hand on my hips; my empty stomach growled and I turned over on my bed. I hugged the yellowing paper to my chest and tried to smell whatever I could that was left of him. I knew Sam was in New York, which is where I study now. I would track him down, but it's been so long, and it's rumoured that he's dating a model or something. He's moved on and left me behind, and that's fine. Because when you love someone, you learn to let them go. I stared at my white ceiling, watching the street lamps reflect on the walls. I picked up my note pad and pen. I was inspired again and my body was craving a new poem.
My inspiration is Sam, and it always will be. He is my first love, and will always have a place in my heart; I'm moving on slowly, but his face is everywhere. He's on every magazine, every billboard. Every talk show and every store window. I can't escape him and it chips off a piece of my happiness everyday.
My stomach growled as I stepped out of bed. I walked into my small bathroom, I showered and brushed my teeth, applied some light makeup and dressed casually in some blue jeans and an oversized T-shirt of Sam's. I then left my small apartment, and headed to the nearest five guys. There was a small crowd gathered outside, I rolled my eyes and ignored the screaming girls. Covering my face and bag, I pushed through the tight nit group and made my way inside. The queue was almost out of the door but I still stayed and waited for the line to progress. I scanned the small restaurant for anyone out of the ordinary when I saw a head pop above the crowd, a head that I remembered. Sam. My breathing quickened dramatically and I felt sick, Sam was right in front of me. I almost screamed; until I remembered that he was the jerk. I called him everyday for three weeks, HE was the one who didn't respond. Not the other way around.
I wanted to seem more casual, so I waited until we both got out food and stalked over to his table. I tapped him on the shoulder until he turned around and addressed my presence,"Sorry, but I'm not taking any ph- Sephy."
Our eyes met and I crashed my lips to his, his familiar taste on my tongue. His large hands traced my back and I pushed away from him,"Can we get out of here please. We should catchup..."
---
The silk cover, was thrown over my body as I recited some of my poetry to Sam,
'You smell like when I first met you
kind and generous
clean and beautiful.
Like, a sweet nectar.
Like honey.
I can still feel your soft lips smother mind,
and your deep, cloudy eyes bore into mine.
Your beauty captured my eyes
Your matter captured my soul.
I am yours.
forever and always'
Gentle applause filled my small room, as the mood dropped. I sighed deeply,"How did we end up here?"
I stared into his hazel orbs as I watched them glaze over. My mind flooded with the memories of these past years, and how hard they were.
"I'm so sorry, Sephy. I thought shutting you out would be easier than seeing what I would be without. You're always on my mind. I can't stop loving you; how ever much I try, it can't be stopped. And when I saw you at Nate and Rachel's wedding, I almost cried; you looked so radiant and my body ached without you. I can't function properly without you, Persephone."
"And I can't live without you."
"Why didn't you want to marry me?"
"Sam, I love you. But I wasn't ready, and neither were you. We were too young."
"Well, marry me now then."
"okay."
"okay?"
"Okay, I'll marry you."
"Was that my old shirt from years ago?"
We chuckled to each other and resumed our stance in bed, I grabbed my cherry milkshake and slurped away happily. I remebered a saying that my grandmother used to say to my in creole,
'Si gen yon bagay se reyèlman pou ou, ak kite ale, li pral tounen vin jwenn ou.'
'If something is really yours, and you let it go, it will come back to you.'
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the books is finished lol x
