Just Take My Heart - A Sherlock Sister Story

In The Beginning

I stood over the coffin and threw the dirt down. This was the last time I'd see my mother, or rather, what she was laying in. I didn't know where I was supposed to go. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I only just graduated from high school. Technically I was an adult, but the only plans I made were for community college. Mom insisted that it would be cheaper to start there before going anywhere else. But that also meant that my living arrangements were at home. Currently, our house was being put on the market because no way in hell could I afford a house straight out of high school.

I sure as hell wasn't even going near my dad. It's been years since the last time I saw him, and that was when mom had finally got the courage to take me and leave him. I was 14 at the time. He didn't even show up to the funeral.

"Don't worry," my aunt said quietly as she squeezed my shoulder. "It'll be okay."

In my head I was screaming. Everyone says that at funerals but everyone knows it's bullshit. On the outside, I just nodded my head and walked back to my car. Even after the accident, I still stayed at the house. It felt wrong being anywhere else, even though it felt completely empty. Next week, I would need to find somewhere else, but I still had a week.

I only got a couple blocks from the cemetery before I had to pull over. I told myself not to freak out. I told myself to keep it all under control, but it was all sinking in. She was gone. I sat on the side of the road for awhile after that. Or maybe I didn't. I don't remember getting home. I only barely remember my head hitting the pillow. Everything in between was just a blur.

She was gone, I was alone, and I had no idea what to do. I let it all out, finally. And it felt good, in a weird sickening way. Screaming and sobbing all at once just to get it over with. I cried for myself, but I mostly cried for her. My mother, my role model, gone.