SIDED LOVE

12.5 Claustrophobia

Him beside me again. How many days was it again? Oh yeah, he's been here for more than 3 days. I've missed him draped all over me and his sweet vanilla scent I couldn't forget. It was all coming back to me. The kisses, the hugs, the warmth he'd never put to waste. Although this time I felt like his grip has changed. He's no longer that harsh and hard. He's gentle and soft. It's like being away from me made him think i'm too fragile to be broken.

"Good morning." I hear him whisper on my ear. I turn around and kiss his nose. I giggle at the way his nose twitch at my gesture. "I really need to get up. Gotta finish my work." He reminds me and then hugs me again.

I softly push him away and acted like a child by turning around. He snaked his arms around me and pulled me closer to his body. "Fine. What do you want to do?"

"Something fun. Want to go out to walk around? I've been locked up here without anything to do." I pout. "I miss the air outside."

"But you'll risk letting out your identity outside. I can't do that. You should stay here." He says again. "I can't let you out of my sight."

I feel like suffocating. When was the last time I was out? Oh yeah, never.

"Just outside. I can even be behind the gate. Can I?" I ask for the last time. "Please."

"I'll go with you." He stood up and took something from the cabinets. He tossed me a hoddie and some pants. "Wear these."

"Do I really have to wear a disguise?" I ask. I don't need these clothes for me not to be seen. This is practically an ocean away from my home country.

"It is necessary." He sounds a little bit annoyed. "If you won't comply then I won't allow you."

"Sancho?" I started wearing the clothes. "Are you alright?" I ask. I can't help but feel like he's being forced into something he doesn't like.

"I'm okay. Just do what I asked you to do. No more questions."

Afterwards, he let me out with him. His hand wrapped around my wrist like a shackle. I couldn't feel the freedom. I thought breathing the air outside would make me feel better than being inside that room. I guess not.

We went back early since I didn't really feel well after stepping outside. He would constantly hug me and kiss me even though it's not necessary. He began to be wary around even though the people around here are practically foreign to us. He shouldn't feel that way, to be honest, but I think I'm one of the reasons he does these.

When we got back, he threw off all the things we bought. I hid the necklace he bought for me outside since I know he'd throw them too. I don't know why he's become like this. Is this still part of the plan? Is he still mine?

▶

I scoot closer to Sancho while he types on his laptop about his novel. I hugged his back but he shrugged me away. I don't know what to feel. Is this his way of showing his stress? Or is he giving me hints to shut up?

I stomped on his right and bend down. I slapped both his cheeks with my palms and made him face me. "What. Is. Your. Problem." I say those words with emotions and deep meanings. "I don't know what to feel but you're pushing me away."

He pulls away and continue working. "I have to finish this in 2 days. I need to concentrate. Get out of my face first." He shunned me out.

"Okay. Then what? Is that all you came here for? Work? How about me? I thought you love me? I thought you became an asshole because of me? I thought you would want me by you--"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT AMANDA?!"

I can't feel anything. I think tears are flowing out of my eyes but I can't feel it. I'm numb. He just snapped me like that. Best way to switch into beastmode.

"I... i'm so--"

He cuts me off. "No. Just... just stop, okay? I bought this place for you since you said you couldn't contain your parents. I tried to hide you from them since you said I have to be with you only. I wanted you Amanda but I don't want this. I want more. I want to be open with everyone about you. I'm happy I could be with you but hearing you wanting to go out? Is that correct?" He walks away and then comes back. "I don't want to be the bad guy here, Amanda. I want to be your husband. I want to be the one who ties knots with you. But I can't. Know why? Because I don't feel free with you. I feel like I have to keep on hiding you for your own sake. If only I could..."

"Shhh." I walked to him and hugged him. "I'm sorry. You can go back and tell them. You can stop this. I love you... I want you happy."

"I don't think you do." He shrugs off my arms. "If you do you'd do it yourself. You'd call your parents and tell them the truth. You'd go home with me. But you can't." He faces me and holds my face.

"Why?"

"Because you don't really love me."

End