SIDED LOVE

14. Our Day Together

Victor has been asking me for a millionth time about what I would want. I don't want anything at the moment but I kept lying about my interests. I have to finish this day and leave him. I couldn't stand being with him today now that our schoolmates are practically breathing the same air as we are.

"You alright?" He asks for the 77th time. I nod but I am certain my face shows otherwise.

"We need to go, Vic. There are people from our school. What would they say?" I immediately slapped my mouth for saying that. "I... look, i'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. What I mean is, what would they say to you? What would they make you feel--"

"You don't have to make me feel like you're disgusted, Olivia. Just tell me you don't like it and I'll let you go." He looks down and gives me a pouting face.

"I said I'm sorry." I snapped.

"I wasn't saying anything that you should apologize." He retort. "Why are you even apologizing? Because you feel guilty? Of what? Of being with me? Is it disgusting?..." He faces the crowd. "Huh? Sister?!" When he emphasized the word sister, I didn't find a time to stop my hand from slapping his face.

"You shouldn't have brought me here in the first place!" I threw my handbag at him and ran out of the park. I really shouldn't have went here with him. It was an absurd idea. What if mom saw us? What would she think?

Oh I remember our promise to mom. We would celebrate dad's death anniversary with her. Is she at home? Does she feel alone?

I look back at Victor who is trying to catch up to me. He pulled my hand and hugged me as tight as he could. I need to say something. I have to unshackle myself from him. I have to create an alibi.

"Vic, we have to go home." I whisper at his chest. His grip on me grew stronger. I started to feel eyes towards us. Are they watching us? "Vic..."

"Olivia. I'm sorry for provoking you. I'm really sorry for being a child. I couldn't be the man who's better for you. I'm all words..." I feel him choking his words. He became stifle with his words also. "I... I just couldn't please you."

"Let's go home." I push him off me. He wiped off the tears from his face and put on his hoodie. "Mom is waiting for us." I turn around and walk away.

Moments later, I feel warm droplets of water fall down my face.

▶

We arrived at our house earlier than 6 PM. I heard from mom that Orsan went home the day I called. I want to see him bad and tell him all the stories I could tell. Orsan has been the shoulder I could cry on. He became my friend in everything that Victor couldn't anymore.

As we open the door, I notice something off. The lights inside the house is dim and the air seemed quiet. Victor and I exchanged glances and went in.

Victor proposed to search at the kitchen and I plan on searching the bedrooms. When I reached mom's room, I found her sleeping tightly at the bed with a tube injected on her wrist. Orsan is standing at the window with a grieving look. I immediately went to him for a hug.

"I... I wasn't able to save her." Orsan mutter in between coughs. He's been crying so much. Victor came in a little later after hearing my running. "She was dead when I came. I... I was numb--"

"Shh." I rub his back to comfort him. "I'm here. You can do anything with us around, right? You have to be strong for us." I already feel that my eyes are about to water. Knowing what happened to mom makes me cringe. I was enjoying my life without her and here she is already on her death bed. "Tell me what happened, Orsan."

"I..." Victor pulled me away from Orsan and punched him. I was startled but I immediately pushed him away from Orsan. "What the heck Victor?!" I yell.

"He! He killed mom! If it weren't for him, mom wouldn't be like this! Do you think I don't know what you've been doing to her all this time?!" Victor pointed at Orsan then at me. "Do you know anything at all, Olivia?! Do you know why mom has been stressed lately?!"

I look over at Orsan but he hides his face. That moment I realized I was ignorant. I didn't know anything at all. What is happening?

"Ha. So you don't know? You don't know?!" "YES I DON'T KNOW! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?!" I shout back. My head is spinning. What is happening?!

"I'm out of here." Victor dragged himself out of mom's room. I look at Orsan once again and I can't see him anymore with the bluriness and the dark.

"What did you do, Orsan?" I ask. It's faint but I know he can hear me. He doesn't answer. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"I stole from our money!" My mouth stopped shivering. What is this? "I stole from Dad, Mom, to the family!" He breaks down and cries. "I'm sorry, okay? I had to. If not, Jill's parents will imprison mom. I couldn't bear to handle that. If I don't pay them, they might harm you. They threatened me already. I don't know what to do anymore."

"Why? Why would you hide this from us? Why didn't you tell us?" I knelt down and pulled his face up. "Why didn't you tell me."

"I was scared. I put mom through this and I don't want to do it to you also. I didn't know Victor knew mom's suffering. I never knew mom found about it either." He explained.

"You... you're an asshole." I stood up. "You're a coward, a wimp, a jerk. You can never be happy with what you are doing." I mutter. "I thought I could trust you, Orsan. I thought I could tell you everything without even thinking twice about it. It seems like you've lost the trust I respectfully placed on you."

He stood up and grabbed my arms. I just stood there waiting for him to talk but he doesn't. It has been a dramatical night for us and I don't have any strength to fight back. Instead, I pull him to me and hug him. "But we're in this together. I'll find a way to help you pay back Jill. Promise me you'll never let mom die."

He doesn't reply but instead he cried at my shoulder. I know what he is feeling. Being hopeless without anyone to talked to because you couldn't hurt others. It's still wrong he kept it all to himself. I could've helped him pay Jill. I could've stayed at the house to reduce expenses. But I didn't do anything good at all.

Was I doing the wrong thing all along?

END