Detangled

Chapter Seven

It's cold when I step out of the car. My scuffed grey shoes splash in the puddle beneath me, and I take a breath. I look around the area, memories hitting me in the same progression they always do.

Extreme Illness

The Diagnosis

3 months in a hospital bed

The funeral

I look down at my hands, my fingers wrapped around the plastic wrapping on the flowers. I walk over to the willow tree and stand on the side farthest from the street. I kneel quietly in the grass, lifting my skirt to avoid it getting wet. When my legs make contact with the ground, I set down the bouquet and I stare at the cement block in front of me; the words Caden Drake engraved on the face of the stone. I let a tear run down my face before speaking.

"Happy birthday, little brother."

The wind blows calmly, carrying leaves with it. I can overhear a funeral going on in the distance behind me, but I don't mind.

"So school started about a month ago, and let me tell you it's the craziest year in high school for me thus far. I got pied in the face because somebody thought I was a freshmen, and now he won't leave me alone. Seems like everywhere I go he's there, but more on him later."

"Callie decided to dye her hair but it looked...less than flattering on her, to say the least. So I decided to take up on the chance to practice. I've been getting more of the "aren't you too young to help manage a hair salon?" lately. It's okay, it will stop soon enough.

I sigh and look up to the funeral going on in the distance. It's small, and I have a feeling it's best that way. It's mainly adults, however there's a little girl dangling her legs over the chair, swinging them slightly. There's a small white dog in her lap, that she squeezes to her chest, all with who I assume is her mother wrapping her arms around her shoulders. I'm not sure what to make of the girls expression. She smiles sadly to the dog but a wave of anger sweeps across her face briefly.

I look back down to the slab engraved with my brothers name. 

"I'm sorry."

Something I say every time, even though I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe because I didn't want this to happen to him. Maybe because I was sorry for not visiting as often as I used to. Maybe because I regretted not staying long enough.

I once read a story about a man named Arthur that would go the cemetery everyday to see his wife. Everyday this man would wake up at the crack of dawn and bring her a singular carnation and sit there for hours with a little packed lunch, one that his wife always made for him before she had passed, and he would have discussions with her until the sun started to go down. He did this for three and a half years in a row, only missing Wednesdays so he could tend to his garden and go shopping, and everything else he needed to do in his life. People of the town knew about what he was doing, so when he missed one of the days,they found him, peaceful in his bed, clinging to a letter she wrote him years ago,saying she would do the exact same thing for him.

In hindsight, it was a lovely gesture and I'm happy that he completed the commitment she couldn't. After Caden died, every time I thought about it. I thought about how incredibly lonely the man must have gotten after awhile. I don't think Caden would have wanted me spending my life at his tombstone every day any who. I would have gotten too sad.

"Cassie, you just got to keep your head up." he would say to me, "If you keep walking through the dirt, one step at a time, eventually you'll make it to the grass. Even though it leaves stains. Maybe water would be better... nah you could drown... you should just enjoy the dirt anyway. Because your dirt is better than other people dirt."

I looked down at the ground and picked up a handful of rocks and dust. This was before the diagnosis.

"If only you knew that half of it little bro."

I went to release the dirt back onto the earth before air swept under my hand and carried it off a few feet away, taking the flowers with it. I got up and chased after it in the wind for awhile, trying to keep my skirt from flying above my head. When the wind eventually died down, the bouquet had found its way to the feet of a grounds keeper tying up the top of one of the garbage bags I assumed he was replacing from it's bin.

"Here miss, I believe you dropped this."

He picks it up and hands it to me with a smile. His teeth are crooked in a charming way, his eyes illuminated with joy, and I wonder how he can put on this face, considering his occupation.

"Thank you sir, that wind came out of no where." I say while adjusting the strands of my hair left in disarray from the wind. I smile and turn away but before I can take a step he says:

"Who are you here to visit?" He asks.

Most of the time I would either ignore him or tell him that I don't want to talk about it before leaving, but for some reason I feel inclined to speak with this man. I turn back to him.

"My younger brother. He died of cancer about two years ago."

"Ah, I'm sorry to hear that. I have a younger brother of my own. We were the best of friends up until i left for college."

"What happened to him?" I ask.

"Recently got in trouble with the law. I always wonder if I had been closer with him, decided to get a place with him instead of let him figure it out on his own when I graduated if things would have ended up different."

"Well surely you can't blame yourself for that. You had a life to work towards."

"I tell myself that every day, but I can't shake off this guilt. I'm the reason he had to move in with our shady uncle in the first place."

"Yeah, I suppose that all it takes is one decision." I reply.

"One decision for the better. Could change somebodies life."

I don't reply, and just think of the words he says.

"You got any other siblings?" He asks

"A younger sister."

"Well you keep her close. Because some day she may be the only person you have to turn to, and believe me, you'll want her to take you in."

"I will, thank you sir."

"I'm Arthur by the way." He stick out his hand, and I take it. It's surprisingly warm for this weather. I smile in thought of the story.

"Cassie."

He offers me another smile before turning back to his work.

"Well Cassie, It was nice to meet you. Just keep in mind what I said, maybe one day paying it forward will pay off." 

"I will. Thank you."

"Hopefully I'll see you someday soon, but I wont keep you long."

"Alright, well have a good rest of your day then Arthur."

I pull out one of the flowers from the bouquet, careful not to give him a now crumpled up one. He tucks the green petunia in his coat pocket and smiles with the same smile he greeted me with before I decide to leave.