The Mnemophobic

Chapter 22

The area was packed full of people, it nearly looked like half the town showed up. We stood a few rows back while people took their turns placing bouquets on the grave that was barely visible under the blanket of bright flowers. Various people made speeches in praise of the deceased, there were many who cried terrible tears, their voices were heard from all directions.

After the funeral lines of people, all dressed in deep black departed from the area for Judge Victor Morts house. Xavier was at my side from the beginning till the end, everyone had left towards their cars but he stayed, an act I found annoying rather than caring. "You need to leave." I whispered when I had enough of his presence.

"Are you coming?" He asked but I stayed quiet with my eyes fixed on the grave. "I'm staying too." He said breaking the silence.

"I don't need you, just leave." I could tell my words stung as he parted shoulders with me. "Let me be ther-" I cut him off before he could finish and turned to him agressively. "I'm fine on my own! I don't need your help or anything.." realizing my tone was far more agressive then what I anticipated I held my head and whispered again. "Just leave me alone.."

I walked past him with my dress dancing in the blowing wind. He grabbed my hand but kept this grip loose and pulled himself closer to me until I felt the knot of his tie between my shoulders. "I'm here for you, whether you want it or not." A violent shiver travelled up my spine and glancing down on my arm I could see my skin turn from silky smooth to rough and bumpy. 'Goosebumps'. Then he was no longer behind me nor did I bother to turn back, I kept moving till I reached the grave and with a thoughtless mind I sat down unaware of the passing time.

I didn't cry, not even shed a single tear when I saw the news. I just sat in shock, I wondered how something so real could just vanish, how life could become something so imaginary. My heart did not accept what my eyes saw.

I hoped he read the article, not because it had made the cover but so he could know and find peace in the fact that whether or not he played a role in changing someone elses life, he played a major role in altering mine.

The cloudy grey sky had turned in to an uneven blend of dull orange, crimson red and bright pink. Xavier still waited by the car for all the while that I was alone. Without a word, when I came back, I got in the ready to go. He stopped at AVOC and left me in the car disappearing in to the building and coming out with his arms having wrapped Dawn against his chest. I had completely forgot, I had to bring Dawn home early. I pushed my head back against the seat and covered my face with my hands in guilt. How could I be so careless?

Dawn was very sleepy in the car but I pleaded for him to stay up so I could fill him with a nice mac and cheese, his favourite, that being my apology.

Xavier took Dawn in for a shower and I set the cheese sauce to boil and reduce having already boiled the macaronni. My head was pounding as if my heart had been displaced to my skull. I gulped down a painkiller with a large glass of water and sat with my legs crossed on the sofa. Hardly 2 minutes may have passed from when I sat down that Xavier came running down the curved stairs. "Is something burning?!"

Realization hit me; I had forgot about the sauce, I got up and ran to the kitchen in a disoriented way having never really attained full balance. The once golden yellow sauce had turned to a dark murky mess under high heat. I turned it off as quickly as I could and then just stood there looking at what I had created.

"What happened?" I had forgotten about his pressence too.

"T-The sauce.." I pointed. " I.. umm, b-burned it." Tears filled my eyes and I clenched my fist and hit the counter top hard. Xavier tried to take my arm but I backed away facing him and throwing my hands up and about in the air. "I can't even make a stupid sauce! I can't I... I just can...I.can't.."

Xavier tried to forcefully take me in to his arms as I broke down crying but I struggled trying to get away from him and my fists repeatedly pounded against his chest in an attempt to escape with all the force I had until I just gave up and let him bury myself in to his chest. I leaned on his solid figure as his arms wrapped around me and my head just rested under the bottom of his chin; his mere presence calmed me.

"I'm so sorry Xavi.."

"You can stay for as long as you need to."

"I can't do anything right."

He pulled me apart so he could see my face. "Says the person who's the mastermind behind my project?" He grined and wiped my tear away. "You are amazingly talented, but just a lil' broken." He took me under his arm. "Cry today for as much as you need to, you have me and your whole family with you, but don't cry after today, after today think about all the wonderful things that made you who you are and not all the bad memories that keep haunting your days."

I sniffed away the last of the tears and smiled. "I still need to make that sauce."

"Well I think you need a break, I'll do it and by the time Dawn is down I'll be done." He let me go and winked filtering out the fridge for the ingredients. I lifted myself up to the counter top and sat down watching him work. He did everything in a smooth symphany and it made me want his calmness even more.

"I know you got stuck in to this, but I'm glad you were here today."

"Stuck with you?" He said stirring the spoon. "Honestly I thought I was trapped, I did it for Nan, like you did it for Mennigin." He blew on a spoonful of the sauce and held it out to me. "But you're okay, a pretty good friend, and be careful, it's hot." I tasted the sauce but let out a whinning noise as it was hotter than I expected but gave him a thumbs up with my free hand while covering my mouth causing him to let out a laugh. "But now, I'm not doing it because I'm forced to, I'm doing it because I can." He took a sip himself then added the macaronni to it.

We had the mac and cheese that turned out really nice after which we sat in front of the tv but this time stuck strictly to movie channels. Dawn fell asleep 10 minutes in to the film.

"You called me Xavi.." He said out of the blue.

"Oh yeah, I guess it slipped."

"I liked it." He turned to me. My heart burned for an instant and I tried really hard not to smile which was, unfortunately, apparent.

" I was wondering if yo-" I was cut off as his phone buzzed and he answered it without delay cautious not to wake Dawn.

"Hi Rosett...fine, thank you...alright just give me a reminder text or something I forget...bye...oh wait!...tell Amy i'll pick her up by 7 for the gala...thanks bye." I felt my breathing get heavy again. He has a date for the gala? Suddenly I did not want to be anywhere near him. My head had a perfect image of us going together, and now that we weren't I realized how bad I wanted it to happen. All he has ever called me is his friend, I retraced every moment I spent with him to confirm my thoughts. My face heated up, and I grew anxious but for something I did not understand.

"I'm sorry that was my secretary."

"It's fine."

"You were saying something?"

"No." My answers were straight forward and through them he sensed something was wrong.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I displayed a fake smile, one of the hardest i've had to make. How could I tell him I was about to ask him to accompany me to the gala? "Can't wait for the gala." I said changing the topic.

"Yeah me too, you got a date?"

"Actually..." I turned to face him bravely.

"I do."