The Mnemophobic

Chapter 33

"..Because I use them."

What would you make of this sentence? To most people this would seem like a normal answer. But what did this answer mean for me?

I slipped out of his way and inched closer to my window that shed more light on it. It was white ink, it was. Taking a coloured A4 sheet out of the office table to the side of the window, I set it down and spread the pen over it. It was the same ink..

My throat nearly collapsed and I could feel the blood drain away from my legs leaving them numb but more importantly, leaving them encased in the hardwood floor beneath me. My hand shook violently and I pressed it against my stomach to make it stop. "Who are you?" Those words left my mouth like nothing more than a slight squeak on a busy street.

I heard him lock the door of the room. "You have your secrets and I have mine.." I turned to his shadowed engulfed face. James.

"Do not come near me or I swear-r I'll...I'll scream!!" I warned him in whatever courage that I could accumalate. His expressuon still dripped of astonishment, perhaps he did not expect me to realize or to talk to him in a loud voice. "What?" His reply was emotionless and he walked up to me cautiously.

"I said back off.."

"I am extremely sorry for whatever you think I did..Serenity I swear I don't wanna hurt you." His voice was almost calming but I shook that feeling out of my head. It was a trap for sure. I held my hand out in front of him to stop and so he did.

"What secrets?" I asked wrapping my arms around myself.

"You tell me yours, I'll tell you mine."

"No chance."

He held his head and walked away towards the door. "There's something that I have to tell you, but I can't because I don't know what's bothering you." He rested his back on the door. "We're not leaving until then.."

He was James..wasn't he? Think, think...

James had a tattoo printed on the side of his shoulder, at the head of his arm. I never had a close look at it, just saw parts. "Take your shirt off."

He was bewildered when I asked him but obeyed as I was quite serious. "Then you will listen?"

Agree. "Yes."

One by one he took off the layers of clothing until he stood there in front of me with bare skin and his jeans. I pointed right in front of the window. "Stand there and turn until I tell you to stop."

His skin was illuminated by the sun, it almost glistened. The cuts on his chest were so perfectly placed almost as if he had been sculpted that way. To my relief as he turned I saw nothing more than bare skin. Sigh.

"Now will you listen?" I gently nodded as he added on. "Tell me what this is all about. Don't lie."

I still would have come up with a story but my mind seemed to have stopped functioning at that time so instead I told him, the truth. "When I was back at the apartments, I didn't randomly fall..I was att-" He finished my sentence leaving me bamboozled. "Attacked."

"How do you-"

"I was there." My mouth hung, how could he be there?

"I had your cellphone tracked, it wasn't hard..I was standing outside of the building when there was a noise, loud one and a guy came running down. I didn't see his face but he came on to me straight away. We struggled for a bit before he cut me with glass and took picked up my coat, the same coat with my wallet, ID and pens.."

His story made not only made a mess but completely destroyed what I believed in. Whatever he said explained his injury that night but there were so many more questions in my mind. Before I could ask he held his hand up and continued. "Your attacker, OUR attacker went back inside the building."   

I nearly lost my footing and Xavier helped me to the bed after which I pushed him off again. He was still there, in the building at night. He was THERE!!

If fear is simply an emotion, if it isn't real than why did my world seem so alien to me? "What.."

"Chase."

"No!" I spat out. It wasn't him I knew it. He had helped me through that day it couldn't have been.

"Xavier it isn't him."

"How do you know?" He questioned my judgement and I questioned his.

"He works at Village, He cleans the pool, I've seen his shoulder and it's clean." It was true, Chase was clean from head to toe. James was here but he wasn't any of these two and he couldn't have had surgery to remove the tattoo, he didn't have that kind of money. Assuming mother was still alive she would need whatever money they had more.

"What?"

"James has a tattoo on his shoulder."

"Where did your foster brother come in to all of this?" That was my mistake, I let his name slip out and thus had to reveal the next part of the story.

"Ellis gifted me that dress for the gala with a note using white ink and black paper. When I came back from the gala there was another note saying I'll never leave you, I'll watch you bleed. Which were the exact same words James said to me before he left. When I thanked Ellis for the dress he said he had never sent one."

"Thats why you were so paranoid.."

"Yeah that is exactly why Xavier. I don't know what to think.."

He sat down besides me. "I'm here for you okay? We'll get through this together you can't face whatever this is on your own. But you need to trust me." This time he pleaded the last words. I had no answer so I sat there quietly.

So many times I had doubted him and so many times he had proved me wrong. But there was always something that made me doubt him in the first place. He was right though, I did need him for I found more clarity in the last 20 minutes than ever during these two months.

"Serenity?" I rubbed my eyes and pulled my fingers through my head shaking it as to refuse him. His large arms pulled me to him as he embraced me. My head rested on his shoulder and I kept my arms to myself as he whispered in to my ear.

"There was a time in all this where you were happy, spent a whole day with me and I don't think I've ever seen you as close to radiant as you were. I've seen how you hide in your own skin and eat yourself alive with the burden you carry. Let me take some off, let me help you." His last words faded in to a whispered. "Trust me, I won't let you down I swear."

I dug my face in to his skin wanting so badly to believe him. "The Mnemophobic won't let you." He kissed the top of my head crushing me in to him. "We'll push her away too."

Maybe mom saw this coming, maybe thats why she told me to accept how things are, maybe she wanted this..

I closed my eyes and returned his embrace wrapping my arms around his neck. "Okay."

The outcome of my decision would soon be clear and for now I had taken the risk of letting him in.