The Mnemophobic

Chapter 29

Xaviers point of view

She heard what I said, she knew what it meant, but she didn't see was how much I resented it the moment those words left my mouth. Her lips parted slightly as she tried to fill, with air, the cavity her speechlessness left. Tears formed in the corner and spread to the curve of her eye. But she was stronger, so much stronger than she thought and never let a single drop fall. In plain and simple words, she was hurt and my mind held on to the picture of her in such a way that it killed me to sit there idle, yet there was nothing I could do.

My solitude must have kept Nan awake for she came to my side protecting my eyes, but not my heart from the hidden worry on her face. She hadn't forgived me for what I did at the night of the gala, I couldn't blame her, but she bombarded me with words that just knocked me dead.

"How dare you, how DARE you! I trusted you with this and if today my head falls in shame in front of Mennigin than it will be all your doing."

Serenity didn't tell anyone, and I don't understand why she would've held back but I guess that was a good omen; a sign that my job wasn't done..

"Xavier?" Nan came up to the arm chair that I sat in. "It's late get some rest."

"I can't sleep Nan, you go on." I heard her let out a breath but she just stayed and sat on the chair at the other side of my office table. "Listen Xavier, I realize I was very hard on you...I understand that you never wanted this bu-"

"Nan, I'm fine seriously." But she wouldn't have it.

"It is my fault for forcing you in to this, I thought it could help you both.." It was a very hard time indeed, and she could've have lost a very good friend in Mennigin had things gotten more complex, but she deserves to know what happened tonight.

"Nan, she came over." She sat up straight so attentively. "She came clean.."

"I don't get it.."

"With her feelings Nan, but I...I ruined it."

"What happened?"

It was better now than never. "I was just so mad Nan, I didn't mean it. Chase was all up on her at the gala and ever since, I-I told her if she juggled two guys she had no...she had no dignity and that I'd find someone who did."

Nan got up from her seat and her mouth hung open, she didn't expect this from me, I didn't either. "You've ruined everything.." She whispered.

"I'm sorry Na-"

"Sorry? Do you realize what you've done?" She yelled and started walking out the room when I cut her off. "I'm sorry that I ruined things between you and Mennigin!" I shouted and fair enough I felt her thin fingers deep in to my face initiating a warm prickling sensation as I held my cheek. She had never slapped me before.

"Mennigin? You think I'm worried about him? I'm worried about the girl who's been through more than YOU can ever imagine who just seems to be hurting a little more every day because YOU couldn't keep your composure. What a shame...shame on you, shame on you for throwing away everything we've taught you."

My legs fell weak, succumbing to her sharp words. She'd always been so supportive, so proud at who I've become but all that burned to ash. She no longer recognized me as her own. That was the first time someone I truly loved retreated from my side...like what happened with Serenity...

No no! I was stuck in to this, I played my part, I came here for something else, it's time I set MY priorities right. It was time to finish it tonight. No more regrets, no more pity.

The estate looked majestic sitting there between the open fields under the twinkling stars and the revolving fireflies but they were not as important to me as what I came to do. Clyde directed me to her room and left. I stood in front of the lavander door ready to rush in and cut whatever strings were left between us. I creaked the door open to see her sitting quietly on the white window bench having extended her hand out of the open glass. She looked back towards the door confused as to why I would be standing there, I felt the same.

The moonlight pouring on her face illuminated every stand of hair on her head to the tip that fell, unintentionally, but perfectly in to place. "Whats wrong?" Her voice echoed in the otherwise silent room.

What was wrong? I knew..

"I know what's wrong." I replied making my way to the other side of the window bench. I sat there cupping my hands together. I looked at her small brown eyes that questioned me again. Yes, I finally knew what was wrong. Overcoming my reticent I answered.

"I love you."

Oblivious are we to the pain in our bones yet vulnerable are we to the shattering of our hearts. - The Mnemophobic ©