21 Reasons Why

Reason 21 - last reason

Reason 21: Maybe life isn't meant for everyone.

Listen to Fix You by Coldplay

August 1st, 2015.

Dear Kade,

I'm tired. I'm tired of chasing after someone that defiantly doesn't want me and I realized on how all my years of loving you goes to waste. I lost you and I'm never getting you back. So I'm sorry.

I'm terribly sorry for coming into your life and making it a hell-hole for you. I'm sorry for being a clingy best friend.

I'm sorry that I didn't try hard or something about me was disturbing you in a way, I wish you could've told me. I wish you told me what was wrong about me and we'll see what goes from there.

I'm also sorry for stealing your sweater that I'm currently wearing now because it still has your scent but it's disappearing. It's the only thing I have left about you to remember that we had something.

I'm sorry for not being enough for you, for mom, for the school and for everyone. I'm sorry that you couldn't see what's good in the ugly me.

For being a worthless girl and a useless human being that doesn't do any good but bring trouble for everyone around her.

A girl that is once full with hope and happiness is now gone in the blink of an eye replaced by a cold-hearted monster.

I don't even recognize who I am anymore.

A girl that once saw the light in everything and the positive in the negativity and now only sees the negativity everyone brings.

I hope you know, me ending this, is for everyone's good.

For you, so you live without having me bothering you or constantly clinging onto you.

For mom, because she deserves a daughter that is so much better than me because all I do is mop around and hope for death.

For the school, because I was once the favourite and it's gone now. My grades are fucked up and I'm not a smart girl anymore.

For the world, because I am a useless piece of shit and I have no rights to live in this world because there are so much more other people that deserves to live rather than I do.

For Emilia, because I want to see my sweet angel and spend my days with her.

I'm sorry for falling for you but I'm not sorry for being in love with you.

I'm sorry that I couldn't be the best and you couldn't see the best in me.

I'm sorry for disappointing you in many ways.

I'm sorry for breathing.

I'm sorry for being alive.

I'm sorry for talking.

I'm sorry for laughing.

I'm sorry for moving.

I'm sorry for smiling.

I'm sorry for everything.

This is the end and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry and I'm sorry-

Please, please tell mom that I love her and she is the best mom anyone could ask for.

Please, please tell Mr Harrington that his Literature class was my favourite class and it was the only class I get an A for after everything that happened.

Please, please tell Dylan that I'm sorry for breaking his heart and I wish all is well for him.

Please, please tell Emily that I never ended up coming over and for breaking her heart because I'm never going to have the chance to come over

Please, please tell Simon, your 15 year old brother that I don't deserve his tears.

Please, please tell everyone that I did my best to hold on but I was too tired.

I love you and I'll always love you till the end of time.

I'll be watching you from above and Kade,

Please, please find another girl that will love you unconditionally just like how I did and I hope you won't break her like you broke me.

Forever and always,

Esther

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And... that's the last reason and double update because I'm nice ;)

Awe shit. I'm sorry if the ending isn't quite good. 

We still have the epilogue. 

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