21 Reasons Why

Reason 19

Reason 19: But God I miss you. So much it hurts sometimes.

Listen to Days Gone By by Gavin Mikhail

July 27th, 2015.

Dear Kade,

I won't break down this way,

I will hold on for one more day,

If you'll help me make myself feel,

Something so much more than this,

Something that's real

I rethink about my decisions on leaving the world, am I sure to do this? Kade, just so you know, if you come back today, right this moment and tell me to stay. I'll stay. I'll stay in a heartbeat just for you. I just need to find a reason for me to stay and to convince myself that life is worth living. But then you're not here tonight, not anymore, so I should leave.

But God I miss you,

So much it hurts sometimes,

And I can't bring us back to,

All the days gone by

It's been what, almost 3 years when you left me and I'm still numb and the way you left still keep refreshing in my mind. Sometimes, I hope for you to actually confront me and have a closure with me so I could live/die peacefully. I'll know the reasons why you left and I won't bother you anymore. Some nights, I miss you. So God damn much. Not just some nights, but every night. I never want to notice that you're gone and you're not with me. I don't want to notice the fact that I'm alone when you promised that I wouldn't fight this battle alone.

Tell me why,

Make me see,

How my giving up, giving in,

Isn't what's best for me,

You know I've tried,

But I am terrified by all I should believe

Sometimes I feel like giving up and giving in into the pain. Giving up to try to carry on and giving up to try to figure out why you left me and giving in to the assumption that I've made that you left because you never wanted me around. You just picked me up and dropped me on the floor when you decide the time is here. You need to tell me whether my assumption is real or not. Whether you really left me because you don't need me as much as I need you in the first place. I need you to help me see and to tell me why you left me. Kade, I'm begging on you. Don't make me suffer here. Don't you think 2 years; almost 3 years is not enough for me to suffer?

And I may not always,

Be there when you call my name,

And I cannot promise,

That the things you love in this life won't change

I'm going to send all these letters to you. Think of it as my closure and goodbye letters. Things that I never had the guts to say and the things that I've always wanted to say. I want you to know that by the time that you're reading this, I'm probably gone. I don't know where but I'll be gone. And I want you to appreciate everyone you love when they're still in your sight because you never know when they'll leave you, just like how you left me and I never ever expected it and I took you for granted.

I want you to remember me when you're listening to this song.

I will always love you...

Signed,

Esther

--------

2 more reasons to go and epilogue and then it's the end... Wow.. 

Vote, comment and follow. xx