The Eleanor Diaries

Chapter 3. Pretend It's Ok

"What would you do? What would you say? How does it feel? Pretend It's Ok." -"Pretend It's Ok."-Little Mix.

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I sat in class, trying to listen to what Mr. Jones was saying, but it's hard to focus when you have spit balls and sour comments being thrown at you.

"Slut,"

"Bitch,"

"Whore!"

Tears were pooling in my eyes. But I shoved them back. Simply ignoring everything. Did Mr. Jones not even notice? Did he even care? Did anyone?

I don't understand how people can judge and falsely accuse like that. I'm still a virgin and I don't plan on doing anything until marriage. I'm pretty old-fashioned, but that's just how I am. So I really don't see how I'm a slut, whore, or anything along these lines.

The preppy girls are the ones that wear tight fitting clothing and look like their gang banged by Crayola. And don't even get me started on how many times they've spread their legs.

"Miss Sinclair?" I heard Mr. Jones ask.

Must've zoned out again. "Yes?" I asked.

He gave me a sympathetic look. But I knew it was fake. Honestly, the teachers here care more about their star players (A.K.A: the preps and assholes) than the misfits.

"Everything ok?" He asked. Acting as if he had no idea what was going on. Just thinking that I'm crazy. As usual.

I faked a smile, and held bask the tears that I so badly wanted to release. "Everything's fine,"

There it was again. The constant lie that's been on my tongue for the past few years. I've said it so much, I'm surprised it's not the only phrase in my vocabulary. The only words I know.

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Later that day, after the constant torture and endless schoolwork. I finally got to lunch. We had off campus lunch, so I chose to sit outside underneath the shade trees, reading a book called "The Notebook" by Nicolas Sparks. I'm a sap for a good romance. It does remind me how lonely I am and would love to have a guy like Noah. But at the same time, I know I'm better off this way. No guy would ever want a girl this broken.

"Hey El! What are you doing over here by yourself? You know you can join me and the others!" A very sweet girl named Marcie said.

Marcie was a bit of a band geek and wasn't in the "in" crowd either. But she was a really sweet person who didn't judge and that's all that mattered in my opinion.

I smiled genuinely at her and closed my book. "I'm good, Marc. Thanks!" I said.

She frowned slightly. "Are you sure? You sit by yourself a lot and we worry."

Truth is, only one of my friends really knew my entire situation. And that person was my best friend, Peyton. Unfortunately Peyton graduated last year, so I'm really alone. I mean, I do have several friends. But I don't open up to them completely like I did with Peyton.

"I'm fine, Marcie. Don't worry about me." I smiled.

She gave me a slight smile and walked away, as I stated to open up my book, out of the corner of my eye I saw him. What him, you ask? Jake Belmont, a guy who I've been crushing on for two years.

He's got light brown hair and hazel eyes. He hangs out with jerks, but he seems...different. He's kind of the class clown, which is my type really. I find myself attracted to the funny guys.

I tried not to stare and turned my attention back to my book. But I couldn't get my mind off of him. He glanced my way and I quickly looked down to my boon again.

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After the horrible day, I heard the final bell and ran out the door, nearly colliding with Corie Parker.

Corie was a cheerleader and a prep. She was also my on and off best friend. She couldn't make up her mind. She says she wants to be friends, but she doesn't want anyone to know.

She flashed me a small smile-so small, it almost wasn't noticeable. "Sorry, El," she apologized, emotionlessly.

I smiled slightly as well and mumbled "S, okay," and went on my way.

I've always been jealous of how beautiful Corie was-inside and out, at first. When we first met, Corie wasn't a cheerleader, she wasn't as popular as she is now. She had dirty blonde hair and dark chocolate brown eyes. She wasn't nice to everyone, but she was nice to me. She helped me when I was sick. Told off people that bothered me. Made sure I was safe. She made me laugh on a daily basis, and wasn't afraid to be herself or act stupid in public. She really lived. Her confidence level was higher than I cold ever dream mine would be.

But a year or two later, Corie decided she was going to try out for cheer leading. I decided I'd do the same, since she told me "I'll only try, if you will." So I did. But as clumsy as I am, I fell and fractured my ankle. So I gave up. So she made the squad. And after a few months, she changed. She ignored me at school, and wouldn't talk to me for walks. She stated wearing different clothes, died her hair to her natural dark brunette and wore more makeup. You know how I said, she was nice to me, but not so much anyone else? Yeah, well her bitchiness started showing towards me too. So, Corie talks to me every now and then. Acting like we're friends and then the next day were not. It's a confusing, complicated process, really.