The Eleanor Diaries

Chapter 10. Through The Dark

"Hope your heart is strong enough, when the night is coming down, we will find a way through the dark." -One Direction. "Through The Dark,"

__________________

"So, how are you sis?" Peyton started.

I looked down. She could see through me if I lied, but do I really wanna tell her about my downfall?

''Fine,'' And so I lied.

Her brow raised and she frowned. But for some reason she didn't push the subject anymore, which I was thankful for.

''How's the money situation?'' she asked.

''Alan's still not working and Mom just filed for disability.'' I said.

''So what does that mean?'' she asked.

''It means I have to get a job.'' I declared.

She forces a smile. ''Well hey, maybe you can get some cash for yourself to buy a nice car and phone.'' she says.

As of right now, I'm stuck with a little old car that doesn't work very well and an old Verizon flip phone that dies pretty much every hour.

''Pfft, you do realize I have to now pay for my own insurance, phone bill, and possibly buy the groceries? How will I be able to buy new nicer things when I'll barely be able to afford the older ones?'' I say more to myself than her.

She puts her hand on my shoulder. ''El, you'll get there, What did I tell you about patience and perserverence?'' She reminds me of her 'life motto'.

I roll my eyes and she laughs. ''So, how are you really?'' she asks again.

I nod my head and force a smile. She leans closer and gives me a look. The Peyton look. It's the kinda look that your best friend gives you when she knows your not okay and you just need a hug.

And as soon as she gives me that look. I lose it. I breakdown into tears and everything spills out of my mouth. And by everything, I mean everything.

But it's a different reaction than I was expecting. She looks at me, eyes filled with pity, as I expected. But then she looks down to her jacket sleeve, looks back up at me and sighs. Then without another thought, pulls back her sleeve to reveal long pink scars. I can tell they've been there for awhile, which scares me. But at least there aren't any fresh wounds.

My eyes fill with tears. And I reach out my fingers to trace the pink scars. I look up at her and she's not crying, but instead looks angry. ''Peyton, why didn't you tell me?'' I ask her.

She looks at me. ''This was long before we were friends. It was a long time ago, Eleanor.'' she says.

''What happened?'' I asked.

''My family was falling apart, kinda like yours.'' she said.

I sigh and pull back my sleeve and show her. I watch her reaction as she observes the fresh flesh wounds that are still stained with dried blood that I haven't bothered to clean off.

She looks up at me. ''How long?''

''Two weeks,'' I say.

She breathes in a sigh of relief. ''It's not too late,'' she tells me. ''It's never too late.''

I look down. ''No, but it is. This is a daily habit, Peyton. Everytime something upsets me, even something little, I cut.'' I say.

''Everyday?'' she asks.

I nod. ''I haven't done it today yet.'' I said.

''Don't. Promise me,'' she says.

''I can't,'' I say.

''You have to. Eleanor, this will destroy you.'' she says as she wraps her pinkie around mine.

''I'll just break it,'' I say.

''You never break promises,'' she said, reminding me of the girl I used to be.

''I used to not. But as of lately, I've been breaking everything.''