The Eleanor Diaries

Chapter 6. Because Of You

"Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me." -Kelly Clarkson. 'Because Of You.'

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I never wanted to be 'that' girl. The girl that cut. The one that had hit rock bottom.

But that's exactly what I had became.

-Flashback-

After that horrid day at school, I went back home, hoping things might be a bit better. I was dead wrong.

"Your kidding me, right?!" I heard Allan's voice boom from the kitchen.

"No, this isn't possible!" my mom yelled back.

I saw Bailee sitting in the living room chair, with tears in her eyes. I walked over to her and put my hand on her knee.

She looked up at me. And a new round of tears came and she gave me a hug.

I rubbed her back and tried to calm her down.

"What's going on?" I asked her.

She pulled out of the hug and looked at me. "We're flat broke. We have no money." she reveals.

I take a sharp breath. This isn't good....

---

I ran upstairs and threw my stuff down. I threw away the information I had gotten on purchasing prom tickets. Can't afford them anyway....

I ran my fingers through my hair and felt the tears start to run down my cheeks and the sobs shaking through my body.

I collapsed to the floor. Nothing else even matters....

I pulled myself off the floor and found myself entering the bathroom.

I angrily ripped the razor from the shower. I sliced my arm quickly several times. I lost count.

-Present Time-

I pulled up my sleeve and stared at the several pink marks on my arms. I carefully ran my fingers over the marks. I grabbed the razor, pulled back the other sleeve, ready to match it with the other. I held it over my arm, but a knock at my bedroom door startled me.

I dropped it to the hard floor in fright. I left it and closed the bedroom door, quickly pulling down my sleeve also.

I opened my bedroom door to find my mom standing there.

"What?" I asked.

"You've been up here for quite a while, just making sure everything's ok." she said.

I nodded. "Yeah, just catching up on some gossip." I said, gesturing to laptop, which happened to be open, thank god.

She squinted her eyes, as if trying to decide if I'm lying or not. "Ok, well get dressed. Were going out to eat tonight." She says.

"Can we afford that?" I asked.

"It's Mccdonalds," she clarified.

"Oh, so dollar menu?" I ask.

She nods sadly. She walks away and I close the door.

I grab my hoodie, put my hair into a messy bun, and put a bit of mascara and lip gloss on. That was a good enough look for Mccdonalds.