The Eleanor Diaries

Chapter 8. Bleeding Out

"So I bare my skin, and I count my sins, and I close my eyes, and I take it in, and I'm bleeding out for you." -Imagine Dragons. "Bleeding Out." (If you haven't listened to this song, I highly recommend it!)

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Drip. Drip. Drip.

That's all I hear as it drips into the sink.

Crimson, running down pale flesh. That's all I see as it falls slowly, but my vision is blurred with tears.

Everytime I do this, it's for myself. But I can't help and think of all the important people I truly love, even though I convince myself I'm not capable of love.

I think of my distant relatives who live in other states, and how they'd react once they received a phone call or Facebook message. How it'd be brought up in subtle conversation. 'Yeah, you guys should visit soon! By the way, did you hear about Eleanor and how she's gone coocoo?'

Or my young cousins, some older, but most Bailee's age and younger. They'd hear my aunt or uncle talking about it and they'd wonder like children do. But how do you tell a child your cousin got hurt, and willingly? The older ones might put on a mask of mock horror, but they might just really be thinking of how freaky or emo I am.

And my grandparents, the ones who've been second parents, but older and wiser. They'd cry as if I was dead. They'd pray for me. Their reactions aside from my parents would be the worse.

Then my sister, Bailee. She would simply stare blankly, no reaction whatsoever. Because when something tragic happens, she's not sure how to react.

Then my small group of friends, they'd most likely avoid me. Along with my other classmates. My torment would get ten times worse, because I wouldn't be known as almost invisible, I'd have a label; freak.

And my parents. The people who are pretty much forced by nature to like me. They would have mixed emotions; anger, frustration, guilt, but most of all, sadness.

I'd probably be forced into some sort of therapy, psych ward, or rehab. Or worse, all of the above.

This is a secret I'd like to remain a secret.

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