The Eleanor Diaries

Chapter 13. Disturbed Monster

''I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed

Get along with the voices inside of my head

You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath

And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy

Well, that's nothing.'' ~Monster-Eminem ft. Rihanna.

''It's a thief in the night

To come and grab you

It can creep up inside you

And consume you

A disease of the mind

It can control you

I feel like a monster.'' ~Disturbia-Rihanna.

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As soon as we got home, I wanted nothing more than to see the crimson liquid flow out from my veins.

Mom went to the kitchen to join Alan and Bailee for dinner. And I ran directly to my room. Slammed my door shut, grabbed a handful of razors I stuck in my bedside table and got to work.

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Two hours later.

Drip....drip....drip. 

That's all I could hear. 

Other teenagers were probably Facebooking or hanging out with their friends. But not me, I'm sitting alone in the dark, watching my crimson blood fall onto the tiles of my bathroom floor. 

Not once did anyone come to check on me. Maybe they didn't suspect anything was wrong. Maybe they weren't concerned. 

A sudden thump frightened me. I rolled my sleeves up and rushed to see what it was. I saw my phone was on the floor and realized it has vibrated off the table. I saw that Peyton had called. 

'Sorry, gotta do homework. I will text you tomorrow.'

~El. 

I typed out and pressed send. 

''Eleanor!'' A voice called. Quickly I cleaned up the blood and threw the razors back in the drawer and opened the door to reveal Alan, holding a plate of food and a coke. 

''Thought you might be hungry.'' He said.

I nodded. ''Oh, I am. Thanks.'' I said and accepted the food.

''El, I hope you know your mom's trying. She's really trying.'' He said.

I rolled my eyes and took a bite of the chicken on the plate. ''Yes, I know.'' I said.

He sighed and walked away. ''Enjoy the food.'' 

I closed the door and sat down, ready to eat. But for some reason Alan's voice echoed in my mind. Enjoy the food. Why did that bother me so much? 

Hastily, I placed the plate down and walked over to my full body mirror and pulled my shirt up. All I saw was smudged blood and scars. I wiped off the blood with the corner of my shirt and saw something worse than the smudged blood. It was fat. 

How could I have not realized how much of a whale I was? I grimaced at the sight and glanced back at the plate. Quickly, I opened my window and threw out the food. I went to my bathroom and opened the toilet. 

I stared at the clear water for a few minutes. What the hell is wrong with me? The rational side of me tried to argue, but the crazy side took over. And I put my finger in the roof of my mouth.