Strange love

I'm Alone Again..

It has officially been a week since Michael disappeared on me and Ally told me about the attack and her pregnancy and all i've been doing to keep sain is working and hanging out with Ben. If it wasn't for Ben hanging out with me after work I think I would be spiraling down a hole. Lilian and Mark have also been so helpful throughout this shitty week, they bring me coffee and Lilian has been helping me pick out paint samples for my kitchen and living room . 

Lilian- "What shade of red were you thinking for your kitchen Dear?"

I smile at her and put on a thinking face and point to the cherry red color, she gives me a huge grin with excitement as we head over to the paint area and being mixing the paint,creating it to the perfect cherry red to my desire. 

"And what about your living room? You were thinking grey for it right?"

I nod and point to the beautiful shade of grey that I love and she mixes it up for me. "Thank you Lilian you and Mark are the greatest human beings on this planet, I don't deserve you guys in my life I say to her in a sad tone"

Mark-" Oh Brittany don't say that, you have become family to us like the daughter we never had"

I hug them both in a group hug with a small tear trickle down my cheek. Then we hear the front door open, I quickly wipe the tears away when I notice it's Ben he walks over to me and gives me a big hug .

Ben- "You excited to do some painting B?" 

Ben has officially given me the nickname B which I only remember my mom calling me B when I was a child. I nod to him showing him that I'm excited but what i'm excited for is the distraction. Ben grabs the paint cans and begins putting them in the back of my car for me. As five pm rolls around I close up the store and head to my car and head home. As soon as I get home before I get out of my car I get a phone call , I don't even hold out hope that it would be Michael anymore I look at the screen and see Ben's name on it , I answer it and act happy when really I'm dying on the inside.

"Hey Ben what's up?"

Ben is cheery as always " Hey B, do you want Pizza or Chinese food tonight?"

I let out a giggle and simply say " Surprise me " 

I hang up the phone and begin taking all the paint supplies and cans inside after about fifteen minutes I have the kitchen completely covered in tarps so that I don't  get any paint on the appliances and furniture when I hear a knock on the door , I open it and Ben lifts his arms up carrying Pizza and Chinese food I laugh at him struggling to hold it all in his arms ,  I take the pizza boxes from him and continue to laugh, I think to myself "wow I haven't laughed like that in over a week.." 

"So did it crave both or didn't know what one to get?"

Ben looks at me with a big smile " I figured we could use a variety this time" 

I go over and grab plates and forks and set them in the living room .

We sit on the couch with the variety of food in front of us with music turned on in the background as Ben finally asks me what is wrong , I knew it was going to happen but I didn't think it was that obvious.

"It's a long story but short version is my heart is hurting and something happened to my brother and I just need a distraction.."

Ben- " I'm sorry B is there anything I can do to help?" 

I sit there for a second in comfortable silence with Ben when he scouts closer to me and I say to him " Can you help me paint my house?" 

He smiles and nods, after we finish eating we paint the kitchen and then the living room by the time we finish painting those two rooms it's midnight. I smile feeling proud of how it turned out, he helps me finish taking the tarps off the furniture and I give him a big hug  not realizing anything of it and he looks down at me and whispers "How about this for a distraction" He leans in and kisses me feeling vulnerable and alone I kiss him back he carries me upstairs into my bedroom as things get heated I think of Michael.

"Ben we can't .. I can't "

But I'm so vulnerable I shove Michael in the back of my thoughts and continue enjoying the moment with Ben but I stop it before it goes to far. 

Ben - " I'm sorry B I was out of line  I didn't  mean"

"Don't worry it's okay i'm sorry too please forgive me  I don't want things to get weird between us"

Ben gives me a reassuring hug that nothing has changed between our friendship as I walk him downstairs and he kisses my cheek as we say our goodnights and I sit in the living room staring at my phone just wishing for a sign from Michael since for some reason I can't let him go and it's killing me at the fact I wish I could just move on with Ben but I hate that I have some weird feeling for Michael. 

Then I say fuck it and head upstairs getting into my pajamas which is nothing but a pink floyd t-shirt and my panties. I toss and turn in bed when I wake up quickly feeling something at the end of the bed and it's not something it's someone..

"WHAT THE FUCK GET OUT!" 

"Brittany it's me .. Michael"