Finding Finn Reed

XIV

We didn't inform the police about the break in. Whoever had done it, knew about time hopping, and the cops weren't going to be able to address it. Atticus and I spent hours trying to clean it all up. When we finally finished, we began to discuss the details of the incident. "Do you know anyone who would do this?" I asked in hopes of a reassuring response. Atticus shook his head and said, "Not anyone in particular, no." "What do you mean 'anyone in particular'?" I asked. Atticus walked over to the now covered up giant window. Every window that had been shattered was now covered up with blankets, sheets, and any other fabric we could find. "My uncle knew other time hoppers, but he never really spoke about them" Atticus said, running his fingers across the fabrics. I began to fall into a state of denial. It felt unreal, how someone could easily do such a thing. All of the boxes were burnt, anything that belonged to Finn was reduced to ashes. It hurt to think I'd never get those boxes back. I began to fall into a pit of abjection. I walked over to the couch, and laid my body down, closing my eyes. I could hear Atticus walk towards the couch and look at me.

"What're you doing?" he asked. I took a deep breath, and sighed. Without putting much effort in my response, I grunted a couple words and turned around. "What did you say?" he continued to ask. I let out an even louder sigh, "This is ridiculous." I opened one of my eyes and looked at Atticus. He stood over me, and placed his hand on my head. "You feeling okay?" he asked. I ignored his question and turned around again, making sure he knew I didn't want to talk. "Listen, I'm just a little tired and I want to nap for a bit" I whispered. "So what about me?" Atticus asked. I shrugged my shoulders, "Stay if you want, I'm taking a nap." Atticus walked away, and entered a couple rooms, most likely to search for more clues. But it didn't matter, it just gave me time to focus stronger. I was planning on hopping back to before everything bad happened. 

I shut my eyes tight, and began to meditate. I slowed my breathing, and thought about life before time hopping. My mind ached to go back. All of the delay for finding Finn, and then the apartment, it didn't seem plausible to sit around and wait. If I was going to make a difference, it was going to happen now. And it did. As I was meditating, I could feel my surroundings begin to change, along with a screaming echo that faded with time. I knew Atticus could feel the hopping happen, but it was too late. When I opened my eyes, I was in my room. I slowly rose from my bed, and looked out the window which wasn't shattered. I sighed with relief at the fact that it all worked out. As I walked into the kitchen, I could feel a burning sensation beginning to rise. I immediately disregarded it as nothing, and continued to walk. 

I saw somebody in the kitchen, opening cabinets and organizing things; it was Finn. Seeing Finn again made my heart beat fast with bliss. As I walked into the kitchen, I hugged him from behind, interrupting his activity. "Good morning," Finn said, "Sleep well?" I smiled and hugged him even harder, "I've never slept better" I replied. Finn turned around and faced me with a kind and gentle smile. "I never want to leave" I said, placing my hand on Finns cheek. Finn chuckled at my casual commentary, "We can stay here forever." I held onto Finn for a couple more minutes before inadvertently walking around the apartment. I walked into every room to make sure it was all real. It all felt real enough, however. The smell of black tea filled the rooms with a soothing aroma, boxes were scattered all over the living room, and best of all Finn was there.  

When I finished investigating the apartment, Finn was sitting at the dining table, casually flipping through magazines. "What day is it today?" I asked as I made my way to the dining table. Finn paused at flipping through magazines and thought for a few seconds. "I think it's Saturday" he responded. Finn died on a Sunday, during a strong storm at night. The fact that it was Saturday meant that Finn would be leaving soon, and he would die. I figured that if I stayed with him for the entire night, everything would be alright. 

I sat at the dining table across from Finn, and watched him like a hawk. Wherever Finn went, I went. Occasionally, he would ask why I followed him everywhere. I would just reply by saying I enjoyed his company. He'd shrug and continue doing whatever it was he was doing in the first place. Eventually day became night, and Finn and I were sitting on the couch with the lights dimmed. 

Finn and I remained in blissful silence, just staring at each other. After half an hour of silence, Finn decided to speak. "What's the real reason for you following me around all day?" he asked as he stared into my eyes. Without even thinking or caring, I said, "Because I've had to watch you die multiple times and I'm done dealing with the harsh reality of letting you go." Finn stared a little longer, and began to laugh at my words, thinking it was some dark joke. However it wasn't, the words I said were as real as life itself. I laughed along with Finn so as to play along with my 'dark joke'. "Sometimes you're just too random" he laughed. "Well, when you've time hopped as much as I have, you begin to lose your mind a little" I replied as I laughed along. Deep down it hurt however. Knowing that I'd probably have to do this all again, the burden I bared was a heavy and grim one. "Where's all this coming from?" Finn asked, his laughter slowly dying down. With the thought of having to do this again, my responses became more and more dark. "I honestly have no clue," I lied, "It's good to see you breathing." "You really think I'll just die like that?" Finn asked, his voice sounding concerned. "I don't think, I know. You've died like a hundred times, over and over it drives me insane," my voice began to shake, "Sometimes I wish it never happened but you know what? Maybe the message was right, maybe it really is impossible to change what's happened already." Finns facial expressions looked confused, and somewhat scared. 

I began to raise my voice, which only caused it to shake more. "It's just a matter of time before you walk out of those doors and never come back." Finn slowly approached me, and placed his hands around my shoulders. "Melanie, you're starting to scare me" Finn slowly said. I released myself from Finns hands, and began to laugh and cry all at the same time. All of these pent up feelings I had were beginning to show up in odd ways. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was scaring you" I quickly whispered. "What's going on?" Finn asked, his voice now beginning to shake. "Where to start," I began to say, "I found out I was a time hopper who can go back in time to save people I care about, but the fucked up part is now matter how much I try, I'll never be your savior." "Nobodies asking you to be a savior, Melanie" Finn said. "I guess you're right, but it's pretty pathetic how I'm incapable of saving your life" I replied with tears. I knew Finn was scared, but it didn't matter. I knew it was all fading fast. My body wasn't strong enough to completely make a fragment. This was a temporary hop. 

"I love you, Finn. But I can't have you" I softly whispered. "Now go away so I don't have to see you die." I closed my eyes, and squeezed them tight. When I opened my eyes, I was still standing in the living room, the only difference was that it was destroyed, I was back to the harsh reality. Atticus was standing there, waiting. "Are you happy now?" he asked in a mellow tone. Regardless of his tone, I knew he wasn't happy. It almost felt like he was sad for me. "I've never been happier" I sharply said. 

Finn was dead, and there was nothing I could do. I would always fail, and there's no doubt about it; I would have lost my mind trying to save a dead man. There was one thing I could do, the only thing I'd ever be able to accomplish. I could get stronger.