Finding Finn Reed

II

"Do you remember when this town was warm?" I asked Finn, my eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Or maybe why it's winter all the time?", My memories of the sun had faded through the years. "I remember playing outside while the sun was out" Finn replied. Without taking my eyes off of the ceiling I gave out a sigh and said, "Well I don't. How come you remember but I don't?" I asked. "Beats me, it's probably because you were too young" he said. "We're only four years apart, Finn, I think I would have remembered a giant yellow star in the sky". But I didn't, the memory was somewhere in my head, in fragments, yet I wasn't able to put them all together. "What are you doing, exactly?" Finn asked, in reference to me staring at the ceiling. Suddenly my concentration was broken, and my eyes reverted away from the ceiling. "Nothing really, I just thought if I concentrated hard enough, I'd remember why I can't find a memory of feeling the suns warmth" I replied. All the concentration began to give me a headache, so I let that memory subside deep within my subconscious.

Today was a particularly cold day. Dark clouds shadowed over the entire town, leaving nothing but darkness behind. The sounds of roaring winds occasionally bashed against the windows, creating a rather loud and bothersome noise. Finn and I decided to stay indoors and work on side projects around the apartment. It had been a few months since Finn moved in with me. Since then I'd taken up residency on the couch, staying up late and unpacking boxes after boxes. "You sure you don't just want to sleep on the same bed? I don't move around much, so I wouldn't bother you" He'd say. But I'd just smile and continue unpacking boxes. Not all of the boxes were his of course, I still had a plethora of boxes from when I first moved into the apartment, about a year back. It wasn't entirely dreadful, however. I did enjoy opening old boxes and seeing what was in them. Sometimes I spent an entire day just looking through one box. I'd carefully examine everything in it, and then start again with another box. That's what I did all day whenever the town got immensely cold. 

After a few hours of unpacking unboxes, I decided to call it a day. There wasn't anything else to do around the apartment, so I threw myself onto the couch, and closed my eyes. Despite not being that tired, I somehow managed to doze off for a few hours. In those hours, something happened. I wouldn't call it a dream, because what had happened felt all too real. It was more of a vision. I was out on the streets of Intemilly, during a massive blizzard. For some reason or another, I couldn't speak and my legs just kept walking forward. I was the only one out in the streets, yet all the street lights were effulgent. I walked for what seemed like miles, until reaching a railroad crossing. It was hard to make out at first, but after a hard glance the image was vividly clear. A car torn in half, metal scraps scattered about, and most disturbingly, an overabundance of blood. What was a thick coat of white snow, was now a sickening scene of events. I may not have been able to speak, but fear empowered my body, and I remember thinking to myself, "What the hell happened..". With no control over my body, my feet began to move forward. My attempt at resisting only made me walk even faster. As I walked towards the car, my body began to convulse, and I was shot back into reality.

My body shot up in fear and anxiety, and I let out a little outcry. I looked around in hopes that this wasn't a continuation of the nightmare. Immediately, my eyes were fixed on Finn, who was looking down at me with alarm. "What the hell just happened?" I cried, continuing to look at Finn. "Jesus Christ Melanie, you nearly gave me a goddamn heart attack" Finn said with relief. He proceeded to place his hand on my shoulder, when I stood up and backed away a few steps. I could see what was going on in Finn's head, he was still terrified. Having no knowledge of what happened to my body while I was asleep, I quickly ran into the bathroom, and dowsed my face in cold water. "Are you okay?" Finn asked me. His question somewhat offended me, as if the last few minutes didn't happen. Suddenly an immense itch entered my body. "What did you see when I was asleep?" I asked, still pouring cold water on my face. "I think you should lie down a little, you don't look too go-", the itch began to grow stronger and dispersed all over my body. "Goddammit, what the hell did you see?" I yelled. The itching sensation felt just like the convulsions I had before waking up. "Finn, answer me for the love of god! Everything hurts!" I continued to scream, while Finn just stood there. I wasn't sure how much longer I could bare the itching pain. I began to throw myself against the wall, but it only made things worse. After that, nothing. My body shut down, along with my consciousness. Once again, I was in a dream state.

This time, I was in my own apartment. Everything felt real, as if it weren't a dream. Yet I knew it was a dream, because there was no snow, and no rain. I glanced outside the window, and saw an incandescent radiance. The sun was out. The sun was as bright as ever, and still I wasn't able to feel it's warmth. The only purpose it served in the dream, was to bind my vision. For a simple dream, it felt real enough. I saw a shadow pass behind me, and sure enough it was Finn. "How'd you sleep?" he asked me while taking a seat on the dining table. A sudden rush of confusion flooded over me. Is this real? I asked myself. Regardless of whether this was real or not, I answered as though it were. "I slept fine.. I think. Hey, don't you find it strange?" I asked. Finn looked up at me and smiled in an almost disturbing way. "What do you mean?" he replied. A sudden feeling of panic entered my body. "Well.. the sun" I said while turning my head over to the window. "What about it?" he asked. This isn't real  I thought to myself however, I continued to play along. "Nothing, never mind" I said, "It's just a beautiful sight". And it truly was, the way the suns vitality spread across the sky. The feeling of warmth was still absent, yet I could feel a sense of gratification from it. Despite the scene being nothing more than a dream, part of me yearned for it to never end.

"It really is a nice day outside, forecast says it's the best temperature we've had in a while" Finn said, "Why don't we do something today? We could visit your parents in their summer house?". My hypnotic state was interrupted by Finns' words. "My parents? but they're go-" I had forgotten that I was dreaming. "My parents, right.. I'd love to go see them" I replied with a forged smile. Truth be told, I really would have liked to see them once more. They weren't exactly keen on me staying behind, but they always suspected that I'd be the one to stay behind. "That's great! I'll go ahead and give them a call, I've laid out a summer dress for you to wear, it's in our room" Finn said as he got up to reach for the phone. He was quick to dial, and as I made my way to the room, I could hear his enthusiasm to speak to them. "Hello? Mrs. Abner, it's Finn, oh I'm so glad to hear from you", Finn's voice became distorted as I walked into the room. Apart from the sun being out, something else was off about the particular setting. My room was covered with pictures of me and Finn. Yet what made it bizarre, was that they were pictures of Finn and I posing together as children. All over the room, were pictures of us as children. Pictures of us at the beach, of our family hanging out together, our birthdays, it was all us. It was as though all of my memories somehow incorporated Finn into them. "How is this even possible, even in a dream I wouldn't know what Finn looked like as a child" I asked myself. I continued to stare at the pictures in admiration, and suddenly I noticed how quiet it got.

The dead silence began to worry me, I walked out into the kitchen only to see that Finn wasn't there, but instead a note that read : Remember the suns pattern, I'll be back soon. I abruptly looked out the window, and saw what appeared to be a distorted sun that was all twisted and blurred. I held onto the note a little longer, before setting it back down on the table. I had a hunch that the sun would soon seize to be apart of this dream. So with the final remaining minutes, I stared at the distorted image of the sun, with every second becoming more and more distorted. And just like that, I awoke to the sounds of harsh winds beating up against the window, and to Finn who was watching over me silently. Remember the suns pattern. A request that I would have gladly done over again and again.

"Melanie, you're awake" Finn said with relief. "How long was I out?" I asked, slowly rising from the bed. His eyes had a somber appeal, and his overall appearance appeared drained. With a long sigh of deliverance, he looked out the window and said "You've been out for about ten hours". My grasp of time felt askew. The events that happened in my dream felt brief, however according to Finn, were longer. "Have you been awake since I passed out?" I asked, turning my body towards Finn, and examining the room in search for the falsified photos of my childhood. "I was worried you wouldn't wake up this time" he said, "How do you feel?". I felt physically drained, and utterly confused, however I didn't want to worry Finn even further. "I'm fine, just a couple headaches is all" I replied. Finn pressed on my forehead with his hand. "You feel a little warm, I think you should rest for the night. You should sleep on the bed tonight, I know you're uncomfortable with me sleeping with you, so I'll sleep on the couch tonight". Finn got up, and began to walk out the door. "If you need anything, I'm across the hall". And with that being said, Finn shut the door behind him, leaving me in the dark. How can I memorize the suns patterns when it's always dark here?..