Messy Thoughts

Just Text Me

          I'm gonna be blunt. I hate having feelings for people. And I don't mean like the "Oh my god I'm so in love with this person." I mean just feelings in general. Because I'm very easily attached. That comes from living a very lonely childhood. I only had one actual friend besides my mom. But when I started to get friends I became very attached. Friends are super important to me. And I have lost a lot of them. They didn't die or anything. They just left, either they got to busy with life from college or other things, or they just stopped talking to me because they were sick of me. It hurt a lot. And I still get scared. When people don't text me because they're busy or they forgot. I get scared. I get scared that it will be like all the other times. And I start to panic and cry and i feel helpless. When they do text back it's the biggest relief for me. I wish I could be different and not worry about it. But I just can't help it. And I feel bad for it. I have great friends and I really trust them. But it still doesn't matter. It's always the same. I still think about all those friends that left me. And anyone who knows about it just says "They were stupid. Just forget them." But I can't. I see them on snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, and all this other social media and it kills me. I want to message them. I want them to message me and say sorry for leaving me. But it will never happen. I only want one message. Just a sorry. Is that too much to ask? I just can't let go. It is impossible for me.