Blind Love.

Chapter 6

After talking to Hunter I didn't want to see anyone else. I only wanted to be alone. To think about everything, everything that's happened. I wanted so badly to feel bad for my self. But how could I?Some one out their always has it worse. I think. I have no reason to pity myself. But I couldn't help it. My boy friend cheated on me with my friend, My dad left , My mom hardly visits because shes taken on so many extra hours in order to pay my medical bills, I have to stay here in the hospital only costing my mom more money, I need a tutor so I can maybe graduate on time, and worst of all theirs a chance I could never see again. 

I might not ever able to see the things we all take for granted like the ways campfire dances giving off only enough light to illuminate your friend in front of you roasting a marshmallow laughing at something so hard until she falls to the ground complain that dirt got on her S'more, or how flowers begin to bloom, performing their little dances to welcome the crisp fresh spring air, showing all their brilliant and vibrant colors to the world, creating their own master piece that nothing or no one could ever compare to.

 Even the simplest things like a picture on the wall of you and your friends or family, and colors I may never be able to see colors again; Red, Blue, purple, pink, My personal favorite green i'll never get to enjoy them again.

These realizations Made me think how much I had taken those things for granted. If I would have known this would have happened then I would have watched, watched the world and everything in it with a different perspective. Taking in everything I could and pray I would never forget.

Not only is it the small things I'll never get to see but the future things as well. Ill never get to see with my own eyes my future. I'll never see who I'll end up with, who I'll one day marry, or the day that every little girl dreams of when their a princes for the day, I'll never get to see myself walk down the aisle. Or my kids first birthday...or any birthday for that matter, let alone watch them grow up. Ill just get to listen. But nothing could make it better. Nothing could make me see it. 

But to me the worse part would be the unknown. How was I so pose to know that I'd find hunter with Brook? How was I so pose to know that i'd get into a crash, or lose a friend, or watch my family fall apart in front of me without even seeing it, or worst of all not knowing if ill ever get to see again. The unknown is my one true fear. But so is the known. what if every one told you ahead of time what would happen? How would you react? How could you react? If I would have been told all of this before theirs no way I would believe it....But here I am, living it. So I guess in a way I'm afraid of not knowing but also knowing.

That makes no sense but feelings and life don't make sense. You cant chose what you are and aren't afraid of, or who you liked and who you hated, but mainly you couldn't chose or decide what will or wont happen to you. I know people always say you chose your life and that your responsible for your actions, but what does that really mean? We can't chose our fate. We cant be responsible for our actions when we don't know exactly what led us to make them. No one has the ability to see into the future and if so would that be a blessing or a curse, every one has that burning passion to know what will happen next, but if it came down to the point you got to find out would you? Would you wanna know your life before you even got to live it? If you knew everything that would happen, would you even be living? 

It was thoughts like this that wouldn't leave my mind alone. They just over crowded one another leaving little to no space to think of anything else. But that little space that was free all I thought about was the what if's . 

What if I didn't see Hunter and Brook. What if I didn't go to the party. What if I hadn't gotten into the crash. Those little thoughts filled cracks and corners of everything else. 

If I hadn't gone to the party then I wouldn't have gotten into the crash, or seen Hunter but then again If I hadn't seen hunter I wouldn't have left the party sooner and if I didn't leave the party I wouldn't have gotten into a crash. But over all if I hadn't gone to the party and saw hunter then I might still be with him right now. I know that might be better than the situation i'm in now. But I would still be with some one who was willing to cheat on me thinking he could get away with it. Like I was the little naive girl that would never find out. And if I hadn't seen them then Brook would still be considered one of my friends. Which she wasn't anymore. If she expected me to still think of her as a friend she was dead wrong.

I thought about all of these things. Over and over, again and again. Until the heaviness of sleep took over. Forcing me to lay my head on the pillow. Waiting for sleep to take me. I thought about this until the second I fell asleep allowing the darkness to not only take my sight but my mind.