Rising Storm

Chapter 5

Katniss

"I don't know how to say it, Kat. You say I'm good at words, but I can't even tell you how I feel about you face to face. I'm a coward. Such a coward that I can't even walk these letters over to your house myself. What you ever saw in me is a complete mystery to me. But I know what I see in you.

"I see a beautiful, powerful woman who hasn't let anything intimidate her, even losing her leg can't slow her down. I miss the friend I made in that horrible place. I miss the girl I fell in love with. I hope that during our trip we ca-"

I drop Peeta's letter in my lap and clutch my leg as the pain of my phantom limb crawls across my nonexistent calf and up my thigh. I let out a gasp and scratch at my prosthetic, trying to make my brain process that my leg is really hurt. A tear slips down my cheek and I look for something, anything to snap myself out of it.

"It's not real," I keep repeating out loud. "It's all in your head. It can't hurt because it isn't there anymore." I start crying and I clutch my legs to my chest as I continue to claw at my leg. I hear a knock on my door and I lift my head to see Peeta standing in the doorway.

"Katniss? What's wrong?" I open my mouth to say something, but grit my teeth as a knife digs into my nonexistent ankle. He comes over and sits on the edge of my bed. He looks at how I grab at my leg and sighs. "How long have you had a phantom limb?"

"How do you know I have phantom limb?" I ask him.

"It's pretty obvious that you're in pain," he says. "A lot of pain. And it looks like it's coming from the leg you aren't supposed to be feeling anything, good or bad, from. What else could it be?" I look down and nod.

"It started just after the first snow," I say, my voice cracking through my tears. "It's worse at night. I feel it in my dreams." He nods.

"Its why you were crying in your sleep last night, wasn't it?" He says. I look at him and he sighs. "Dammit Katniss!You need to tell me these things!"

"Why should I?" I ask. "It's not your problem, Peeta! It's mine!"

"Is it so hard to believe that I want it to be?" He says. "Can't you see that I want nothing more than to help you?"

"But why, Peeta?" I ask. "Why do you keep playing games with my heart?"

"I'm not," he says. "I don't want to hurt you anymore. I care about you."

"How am I supposed to believe you?" I say. "I saw it in your eyes every time I said I loved you. You tried not to hurt me, but I knew you never felt the way I did." I wipe a stray tear from my eyes. "You hurt me so much more lying to me than when you don't love me." I feel his fingers beneath my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"I didn't know what I was losing until you were gone," he says. I search his eyes, for something, anything to tell me that what he's saying isn't true. But I find nothing. "I should have gone to see you. I was a coward, Katniss."

"But, I blamed you," I reply. "I pushed you away because I blamed you for breaking my heart, for losing my leg, everything." I turn away from him. "I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anything you want to give me after what I've done to you."

"Well, you do," he whispers in my ear, his soft, warm breath tickling my neck. "Whether you think so or not." I feel his hand on my thigh, just above my prosthetic. I look at him, puzzled and his lips meet mine. I'm reluctant to return his affection, though I don't know why. His kiss is steady, warm and inviting and full of something I haven't felt from him in ages. I start returning his kiss and feel warmth rush through my entire body. He pulls away and starts planting kisses on my neck. I let out a sound kind of like a whimper as his hand moves upward and inside my thigh.

"Peeta," I gasp. "What are, what are you doing?" I feel his teeth graze my neck as he nips on it just below my ear.

"Do you trust me?" He asks, his voice muffled in my neck. I turn my head a little to see his fingers picking softly at the edge of my nightgown. I know what he's really asking, and the thought both frightens and excites me. The fact that he's asking this of me is so out of his nature, but it's also something that excites me to the point where I'm nearly trembling beneath his fingers.

"Y...yes," I say. "I trust you." He moves away from me and kneels on the floor. I give him a puzzled look as he pulls me to the edge of my bed. Peeta pushes my nightgown up above my pale green underwear and he gently rubs small circles on my hips. My breath catches in my throat and he looks up at me.

"Are you okay with this?" He asks.

"Yes," I say.

"I'm not going to do anything you don't want," he says.

"I want you to touch me," I say. "I want you to make me feel how much you love me." He reaches up and detaches my prosthetic. I watch nervously as he removes it, revealing the scared, tender pink flesh that is the remainder of my leg. He gently rubs it, kneading the sore muscles like bread dough.

"I'm not going to take you," he says. "But I will give you something I've wanted to give you for a while now." He gently kisses the inside of my thigh and I bite my lip. His fingers play with my panties and I slowly, a little hesitantly, slide them down my legs. He looks at me, shocked as I bare myself for him. I move his hand so he's touching my newly revealed treasure. He accepts my invitation and touches and toys with my sensitive skin. My right leg falls over his shoulder, pulling him closer to me. I fall back on my bed as he starts kissing and softly sucking on my newly shared secret.

"Peeta," I gasp. "Oh, oh please don't stop." He doesn't say a word as he continues to carry me higher and higher up some mountain of pleasure. He hesitantly presses a finger against my opening and I cry out as it slides inside me. He pulls away a little and softly rubs soothing circles in my thigh with his unoccupied hand.

"Shhh," he whispers. "It's okay. If you want me to stop I will."

"No," I say. "It's fine. Just something I need to get used to. I'm alright." He gently pushes his finer further and I moan as he touches that special place deep inside of me. I feel like invisible bindings are holding my head against the bed as my body archs, responding to Peeta's every touch. I feel myself climbing higher and higher and higher until Peeta bites softly on my engorged pleasure button and I fall over the edge with a mewled cry of Peeta's name and I fall limply against the bed. He gently rubs my exposed abdomen as I come down from my high. He pulls my panties back on me and I grab his arms and pull him down on top of me. I tangle my fingers in his hair and pull his lips to mine. I taste myself on his lips and sigh in content as he pulls away smiling at me as I play with his curls.

"I love you," he says softly, his words making my heart beat happily in my chest.

"I love you, too," I reply, feeling like the world isn't crashing down on me for the first time in weeks.