Growing up Together

Chapter 17

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Chapter seventeen

22nd of September 2015

Continue:

"Oh?" I ask trying to feign nonchalance.

Why is Nick telling me all this?

"Yeah, we met this talent agent before we came back here. He said we were good but we needed more feeling so we decided to come home for a bit. Jared didn't want us to tell you because he knew you'd get upset but we're planning on going the night of your birthday." He says it with so little feeling that I am surprised I'm not crying.

So he lied to me. He isn't staying.

He just wanted to get in my pants for a few weeks then run off with his mates again.

How could he?

He said he loved me. I said it back.

I'm so bloody stupid!

Sam seems to sense my distress because he starts crying which gives me the perfect excuse to get away.

"Its time for his lunch." I say giving Nick a fake smile as I turn and walk into my cabin with my son in my arms.

I am surprised by how good my smile was. If I wasn't dying inside I'd probably be proud of myself.

I lock my door and all my windows so there is no way Jared or anyone else can come in and just sit on my bed and cry.

Sam has stopped his crying and instead is just hugging me with his little arms.

I suppose he can see that I need support and he is the only one around.

He's my beautiful little man and I'll always love him.

No matter how much I hate his father.

That night:

I'm lying in bed beside Sam. He is happily snoring away as I just lay there and stare at the ceiling. I've been doing this for hours but I am too far inside my mind to really care.

It's dark, I think it might be around 8 and I can hear joking outside. The boys must be drinking again.

Jared better be with them. I don't think I could cope if he came to try and use me again.

I've come to terms with it.

He was using me. I was just a toy to him.

Maybe I was a toy from the start.

Perhaps he saw my feelings for him when we were in high school and thought he'd get a free ride before he left for the city.

I loved him, I gave him my virginity and this is what he gives me in return?

The worst part about all this though, is that I am still madly in love with him and it's killing me inside.

I wish I didn't love him. I wish we'd never met.

But if we hadn't met I wouldn't have fallen for him and ended up with Sam.

No matter how much this hurts, the pain is still worth it if I have my little angel with me.

I hear someone knock on my front door and the vibrations seem to echo through my cabin.

Their hallow and unwanted and after three more knocks the person seems to realize this. But then a moment later someone is tapping on my bedroom window and I know exactly who it is.

Please no, just go away. I don't want you anywhere near me and my son.

But I figure out quickly that he isn't going to take no for an answer and decide to speak to him, even if all I want to do is rip his balls off.

I struggle out of bed, trying hard not to wake Sam and stumble to the window, tipping something over in the dark.

It didn't smash so I'm just not going to worry about it.

Pushing the curtain back I open the window and give Jared a bored expression.

He seems startled, either by my expression or by my puffy eyes.

I wish I didn't cry about him but if I didn't I probably wouldn't be human.

"Babe, what's wrong?" He asks in concern and reaches out to touch me.

I turn away and he snaps his hand back looking hurt.

He's hurt because he can't touch me, I doubt he'd ever be able to even comprehend how much I hurt.

"Just go to your band and quit lying to me." I mutter then start to push the window shut again but he grabs it in time.

What now?

"What are you talking about? I've never lied to you."

Bullshit!

I glare at him because it is either that or burst into tears.

"I said stop lying. Nick told me about how you guys only came back to get more feelings in your songs. Then he told me you guys were going to ditch us again on my fucking birthday. I really didn't care that you were going again but don't pretend you'll stay for Sam just to get in my pants." I hiss with all the venom and hurt that has built up inside me for the past few hours.

It is taking everything in me not to start yelling but I don't want Sam to wake up to this.

His eyes are wide now and he looks horrified.

Yeah, I caught you before you could use me again asshole.

"Crys I'm not-" I can even hear how hopeless he is.

He isn't going to get away with this again.

"You're a disgusting bastard. Just stay away from me and my son. You don't get to be his father anymore." And with that, I lock my window and close my curtain.

I wish I could feel pride for saying that to him but all I feel is empty and weak as I slide down the wall beside the window.

In seconds I'm sobbing as I hear Jared's' heavy breathing outside.

"Crystal pleases." He begs with a thump against the glass.

Don't you dare fall for his act. Just keep still and he'll go.

And he does after another few minutes and all I am left hearing is my heavy sobs. And for a moment I swear I can hear my heart shattering into a million pieces inside my chest.

Oh god, why does this have to hurt so much?

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Hi everyone,
I just want to say how sorry I am. I know I posted an authors note saying I'll try to update regularly but that hasn't seemed to motivate me enough.
I have some writers block with this story, and to tell you the truth I've been very depressed.
A boy I grew up with died a few months back and the another close friend had gotten into a serious accident only weeks after, resulting in his arm and foot being amputated.
I've been struggling and I hope you all can forgive me.
And to all those who have stuck by this story, thank you.
It cheers me up knowing there are people out there who like my writing.
I love you all.

Alza