Late Night Thoughts

Philosophies

03-30-16

Everything I liked or thought, I've always questioned. People always said my view on life was different, and I guess that means good. I didn't think it was back then of course, and I tried to fit in. I never felt more fake in my life. It just didn't cut out, I didn't like doing stuff that I didn't see a purpose in.

I didn't like going out to buy fancy letters or a card for a friend's birthday. I simply took out a piece of binder paper, wrote what I wanted in pencil, and stuck it in a white envelope to give away. I wrote with a binder paper to show that this indeed came from my heart. What I am saying is true, it's not sugar coated, it's me. 100% me. It was coming straight from my head, heart, and soul and into a paper. I wrote in pencil too, never in pen. From the looks of it, it seems like I don't put much effort into these letters. But I swear to you, I do. The piece of writing is the God of it. It's where I poured everything I wanted to say into and for a person. Though, I indeed put thought into the binder paper, the pencil, and envelope. It's what I thought about for my entire life.

Writing with pen meant things were official, it was going to stay. We all know that you can't erase pen. Sure, there were the erasable kind but technically they were a pencil because you can erase it. I didn't like pens, I always made a mistake and I knew I couldn't erase it. Things in pen meant things were going to stay that way. If you wrote, 'I love you' in pen, and you didn't love the person anymore, you couldn't erase that. Your heart and soul could erase it, but the writings on a paper couldn't. That's what I hated. Things change but the words that comes off a pen doesn't. It seems like I have commitment issues, right? I do, a little. I mean who doesn't? We all got hurt before! I just don't like writing something down with a pen if it could be changed. If it were about a story essay, sure.

I have a lot more to say but I have to go sleep, I think I'm waking someone up :( I think I'll have to publish it in the morning, I have no time right now. Goodnight!