We Can Love Again

Desperation

Everything around her was painted black. Regina didn't know where she was. She felt as though she were trapped inside a box with no walls.

He's gone...

A chilling voice swept through her senses, almost like a whisper. Immediately, Regina tensed, not knowing where the voice was coming from. It didn't even sound human.

Robin's never coming back for you.

She was beginning to feel numb inside- cold, bitter... alone...

You're a pathetic girl. He could never love an evil queen.

Regina rose her hands up to cover her ears, desperately fighting the attacking force.

Robin left you all alone!

Her legs gave out. She crashed to the ground in a shivering heap.

Alone!

The voice was now booming inside her head. She wanted to scream.

Alone!

That's when Regina jolted upwards in her bed. Her breathing was rugged and desperate as her eyes tried adjusting to the nighttime atmosphere. A small whimper escaped her lips as she silently slipped out of her bed. Thankfully, she didn't trip on her way down the stairs.

Her feet padded softly against the wooden floor as she made her away across her house. The words kept ringing in her head, blocking everything else out completely. Once she was in the kitchen, Regina slid her hands, almost blindly, along the countertop, her fingers finding the cool, smooth handle of something long, slender, and sharp.

He's never coming back... He's never coming back... Robin is never coming back...

Regina stared at the knife in agony, her eyes fixed upon the silver gleam it reflected. Her hands were beginning to shake, eyes filled with tears as she aimed it at her chest; she just wanted the hell she was in to end...

"Regina!" Barked Will's voice, switching the lights on with a horrified look on his face. He grabbed hold of her wrist as she began to struggle.

"No! No!"

Once Will got a better hold on her, he began prying her fingers from the handle.

"Wake up!" He hissed, letting the knife fall back onto the countertop. After shaking her harshly a couple times, Regina quit fighting against him and blinked herself out of her daze.

She glanced around the area in a mortified stupor; even though Will was quick to try and hide the knife, she still saw it lying there.

"Regina, it's okay you just-"

But that didn't help. A small cry escaped her lips. Will fumbled for what to do next. Before he could say anything, though, he heard footsteps nearing them. A little boy tugging a small blanket beside him stood in the middle of the hallway. He tilted his head with confusion as he surveyed the scene. Freezing in place, Will gazed pointedly towards the four year old.

"Roland, go back to sleep," he said softly, leaving Regina in her shaken state to confront him.

When Will neared him, the boy looked up at him like he was going to hurt him.

"Everything's fine, just forget what you saw."

Roland flinched when he tried reaching out towards him.

"I want my daddy!" He mumbled, taking off back towards the staircase. Will bit back a swear as he watched him run, straightening back up and turning his attention back to Regina. She had her hands up to her mouth, trembling and seeming just plain defeated.
Wrapping his arms around her, he let her cry onto his chest, let her become completely taken by the weakness and desperation.

Telling her that everything was going to be okay wasn't going to help this time, so he simply said nothing. Regina cried and he stood there, because everything else had been used up. All the fake smiles, all the attempts of becoming happy again... It faded away and left a knife on the countertop in its place.

"Let's get you to bed," he said, gently putting some place between them so he could bend down and take her in his arms. Will already knew she wouldn't be able to make it on her own.

When they got to her bedroom, he didn't even bother switching on the lights as he set her down on the bed. He was about to turn around and leave when her hand grabbed hold of his arm, almost frantically.

"Please don't leave..." Regina muttered, sounding like a sick child.

Will debated it for a moment, but finally surrendered. After all, it was almost three in the morning.

"Alright, move over."

She did, and soon they were lying side by side, silently staring into the darkness. Desperately, Regina tried finding the same peaceful beating heart she had found in Robin what seemed like an eternity ago, but it just wasn't there.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked in a small voice, sounding pathetic to her.

He took a moment to answer.

"I... I don't know."

His reply was followed by more silence.

"Did it hurt when you found out she was gone?"

The sudden question took him aback slightly.

"Yeah, it did. Knowing I would never see her again... Made me regret not accepting her apologies sooner."

Regina was about to ask a follow up question about how he had coped with such a painful ordeal, but she knew she had found her answer when she smelled the alcohol stained on his shirt.

"What... Was she like?"

Will had thought about her more and more over the past few weeks. Usually, he was able to let the emotions sink down to depths where they could no longer be felt.

"Anastasia was really talented for starters. She just didn't let anyone know about any of them- singing, cooking, sewing, Anna could do all that stuff. To top it off, she was absolutely gorgeous. Had the most perfect golden hair I've ever seen. And the most radiant smile- though, she did a whole lot less of that once she became queen."

His words had calmed her down a bit; she began to feel the exhaustion come back into her body. Regina went back to the last couple days in her mind, trying to depict where the suspicion of Robin never returning could have begun. She didn't quite understand it, for she was Regina Mills, the woman who had done everything by wit alone for many, many years. Since when did she become so dependent on another person?

Maybe when she found out she was carrying his child.

"It isn't fair Snow can't have a baby and I can," she told him, her eyes fighting to stay open, "should be the other way around... I don't want this baby."

The bitterness to her last words startled him.

"You don't mean that, Regina."

Quite honestly, she wasn't sure if she did or not. These were her last thoughts before she drifted away into another restless sleep.

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I'm sorry for making it so depressing! It'll get better soon! Free hugs and prayer circles are available upon request :)