I stared at the bleak, white ceiling above me. It was just like my life; colourless. I sighed and turned onto my side. The ripped envelope was balancing on my bedside table, tipping just slightly off the edge. It was damp and damaged at the corners from our rages and tears because of the letter inside. We could only blame ourselves though. It was our fault. I snatched it up the dresser and reopened it once again. The paper inside was folded neatly as I unfolded it to what seemed like the hundredth time. The small, spidery writing I had come to love was neatly carved into the paper, as if it had been practised.
He must have been so scared. I traced my finger over it before slipping it back into its envelope. I got up, throwing the letter onto my bed as I walked over to the mirror. My tear stained face had lost all color and my emerald eyes carried dark circles underneath them. Long story short; I looked like shit. I sighed and raked my hand through my hair. I walked out of my room and downstairs to where the food was. The house was scarily quiet but it had been for the past week.
I grabbed a Capri sun and a packet of crisps before climbing the stairs once again. I held the railing as I neared closer to the top. I sighed as I used all of my strength to lift myself onto the landing. I had no energy at all because all I had dome was stay in bed for 6 days, not eating or recording. How could I? I took a few steps towards my room before noticing that his door was open slightly, creaking from the wind of the open window. Entering, I hovered in the doorway of Vik's room, unsure if I should even be here. It hadn't changed. Nobody had even been in here. I guess we were all wishing it was just a nightmare and that someone would just shake us all awake. But instead it seemed the nightmare was seeping into reality, cursing us all with grief and anger.
A stray tear slipped down my cheek as I stared at the framed photo glinting on his desk. It was a picture of all seven of us, grinning at our first ever insomnia while fans piled out the doors behind us. I miss those days. I spun back around, wiping my wet face as I walked back to my room. I threw the stuff on the bed and collapsed against the closed door. Tears streamed and I couldn't control them any longer. Why him? "Josh?" A knock came from the other side of the door. "What?" I whispered. He sighed.
"Please let me in. All you have done is shut people out. Let me help..."
I shuffled over to my bed as he turned the knob, appearing in the doorway. "I can't do this anymore." I stuttered, heaving in breaths like they were drugs. "Its okay, we are all the same. You just have to let us in." I felt the bed dip where he sat. I looked up at him, my glassy eyes lifeless as always. "11 years and you still know how to persuade me." He laughed slightly, pulling me in for a hug. I leaned in as he wrapped his arms around me. "Just know that he isn't feeling any more pain. He is where he wants to be, with God." I nodded. I stood up and gestured to the door. He sighed and got up before patting me on the shoulder. "Thanks Tobi" He just shrugged before walking out, probably going to comfort someone else.
I slid into my chair, switching everything on. I blew the layer of dust that had gathered away from the screen as the monitor shuddered to life. If I wanted to get my feeling out then what better way than to make a video? I then flicked the switch on the camera before taking a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds.
But first I had to tell them about Vik...
