I couldn't feel my legs anymore. My body had stayed in the same position in the same bed for a good few hours. I didn't want to move. They say losing someone is like losing a part of yourself, you don't realise how true that is until it happens to you. I lifted my head and glanced at the clock on my table. 2:47pm and the house was silent. Everyone had gone out except me because I didn't have energy. I just can't do it without him.
I dragged myself out of bed and slipped on a pair of joggers and a tee. All my snapbacks were hanging on a rack in the corner of the room so I just brushed my hair and left. Everyone still seems to be heartbroken even though it was a just over a year ago. Its been 397 days. Not that I'm counting or anything.
I jogged down the stairs and slumped into the kitchen. I hadn't really spoken to Josh since I caught him crying over the Vik situation but he seemed happy enough. I guess we were all good at acting. I grabbed a bowl and my signature cereal along with the milk. I think out of all of us, it had affected Harry the most. Him and Vik were the kids of the group which is why they always used to hang out. I poured the cereal and the milk into the bowl while I grabbed a spoon out of the draw, before walking into the living room.
Maybe it was best that it happened sooner rather than later. I mean, if he was in enough pain to end his life, surely its better that he had stopped the pain rather then try to ride it out? I don't know anymore. Maybe its the grief talking. I sat, curled up under a blanket, eating my coco pops while I watched the news on the TV. It had something to do with a plane crash that had happened in Miami. Just then, Josh walked through the door. "You okay?" I asked. He smiled weakly, nodding as he sat next to me.
"Don't think I don't know Josh. We all feel the same." His eyes lowered down to the floor. "Its just not the same. I can't believe he went through all of that and on his own as well! But we didn't help, not like good friends would. Instead, we insulted him, mocked him about his love of Minecraft. Even joked about him touching kids! No wonder he felt like he did..." His croaky voice hung into the air as a single tear dropped from his emerald eye. I placed my bowl onto the table in front of me and turned to face him.
"Maybe we didn't help, maybe we weren't as nice to him as we could have been. But you know what? Vik was one smart ass kid. He always knew what he felt, whether it was anger, relief, happiness or anxiety. And he knew how to deal with his emotions. I admit, I was also guilty of making him feel worse by putting him down but after every GTA session what did we do? We talked to him, made sure he knew it was all for a laugh. He knew we never meant it Josh. Don't you dare blame yourself."
By now he had tears streaming down his face, dripping from his chin. He wiped them away and looked me in the eye.
"I know you are right Tobi, you always are. But i can't help but feel like we were the reason. The reason why he left the earth..."
