The truth is, when Vik died, we all started to crumble, like a chain reaction. Some of us are stronger than others but not just in the physical sense. I always saw Ethan as strong. Whatever comments we threw at him about being gay, it was like water of a ducks back. But I guess that's not a good thing. He shouldn't have been used to it. I never really did play GTA with the rest of the sidemen but one night when I was visiting Ethan, I saw how much the comments were actually hurting him. In the corner of his bathroom, I caught him trying to overdose on some of Josh's pain killers and paracetamol. Luckily I was there to stop him, but what if I wasn't? I guess it doesn't matter now though.
In the end, he took his own life anyway without us being there to help him or stop him. But I do still see Ethan as strong, as do I see Vik that way.
Because no matter how much abuse we gave them, they brushed it off and to be honest, to take your own life you need balls. Something not a lot of us now a days seem to have.
I had just finished making breakfast for the house when Tobi walked in, probably still half asleep as he wondered over to a stool. "Hey." He mumbled, rubbing his forehead as he spoke. "Hi, bacon?" He looked up suddenly and I could swear I heard his stomach gurgle. I smiled and dished him out a plate before handing it to my hungry friend. "You seem to be holding up okay Tobi. How do you do it?" His gaze lifted from the food to me, slowly but surely. "While the rest of us are attempting to kill ourselves over this, you are the one who is holding up, telling us to stay in this world. If only Vik had talked to you..."
He sighed and pushed the breakfast a little further in front of him. "Look Harry, we all need to move on; that's what I believe. Okay, Vik was in a bad place and he most likely had depression, but we couldn't really of helped that! Now I'm not saying we should forget him but we do need to carry on with our lives otherwise we are going to be stuck in a loop of mourning Vik.. And I'm not sure that's what he would have wanted." I nodded, knowing he was right. "And I suggest taking a step forward out of this gloomy ditch your in by making a video. While this has been going on, we have all been neglecting YouTube so maybe it will take your mind off things." He smiled, proud of his speech as he took a bite of the bacon.
"Okay. Thanks Tobi, I really appreciate it!" And with that I ran upstairs to my room before making and editing a video titled:
SORRY...
I thought the subscribers should know so i sent a text to Josh asking if i should tell them. I then turned on the camera, switched on the lights and began.
"Hey guys, long time no see! Sorry its been so long but over this month, we the sidemen have had some things to deal with. And I know its going to sound like an excuse but if you let me explain and not click off this video, then I'm sure you'll either be surprised or most likely heartbroken. A couple of weeks ago, Vik..." I should on my words, tears forming in my eyes. Then the text came through.
It would be alot easier on us, that way we can talk freely on videos.
So I began telling them about Vik.
"Vik committed suicide. And a lot of you may see this as a joke and not believe us or maybe some of you think its our fault. But I assure you this is true and over the past 4 weeks, we have tried to come to terms with the loss of our best friend. Some were stronger than others... " I think of Tobi, giving me advice while he eats. "But some of us weren't and still aren't so much." I think of Ethan and Simon, both abandoning us in different ways but it was still ending in the same result; us heartbroken.
"There is some other things I should probably tell you as well. Harry, also know as Wroetoshaw, couldn't handle handle the loss so.. So he..." Now I was sobbing, my words coming out in mumbles. "He decided to officially leave the Sidemen. He left because he couldn't live with the hurt."
But this is where it sunk in. There would be no more Minecraft related banter in the sidemen anymore, no more paedophile jokes about blocks and diamond swords. "Included in all of this, Miniminter has decided to move. He is no longer in the Sidemen and has gone to live in America, with a friend of his. And don't go and hate on him or give him shit, because he doesn't deserve it. He wants a fresh start so let him be. Also, I do not know for certain, but I think he still will be continuing with YouTube just he might be in different house with different friends." I wiped the stray tears from my cheeks before continuing.
"So, as you can see, we have had a lot to deal with this June. Hence why we haven't recently uploaded." I chuckled a bit, hiccupping from the crying I had been doing during the video. "I have decided this will go up unedited as you guys deserve to know fully what has happened. So... I guess I will see you guys next time... Bye." I turned off the camera and slumped down in my chair, sighing.
I'm sure the viewers will probably cry and get over him. They will go on with their lives, without a thought about the YouTuber who could brighten their day with a single hello. Some may even spend a week or so sobbing to their parents and friends and in the corner of their rooms. But none of them knew him personally. And none of them had to die with the secret that they loved Vik. Genuinely loved him and always will love.
Because he was amazing
And I am just a weirdo who is in love with a dead star.
Sometimes, the stars that shine the brightest, tend to burnout the fastest...
