A warrior's Love

Chapter One- The brake up

Lory

Just as I was about to walk out the house my mother called to me. I knew what she would say, because she had said it so many times before, and those so many times I didn't listen, now I am back to square one and have to hear her say it again.

'Lory do not go to that boy's house. He can come a visit his child, you are not stopping him but he doesn't deserve another chance. If I had listen to my mother I would have been better off today. So listen to me. Sahmirah isn't short if anything especially love' she warned.

'Yes mom' I answered and walked away.

I knew she was right, I knew they all were. But its not so easy to let go of someone when you love that person, even when that person has hurt you so many times.

But for Sahmirah I had to. I couldn't let her grow up seeing her father physically abusing her mother. I can't let her feel that is the way love is spouse to be.

So I was going to Sam's house, but for all the right reasons. I had to let him know I wasn't going to get back with him.

Walking to his house I had planned all that I had to sat to him. All that I needed myself to hear. But by the time I got to his door I forgot and I know he would change my mind again because he said he had changed.

I was about to turn away when he opened the door. There he was looking as if he had just woken up but in a sexy way. But I shouldn't let myself see him like that any more.

I have to see him for who he is, a human that will always make the same mistakes.

But his physical appearance won't let me. He had on a white vest and a red basketball shorts. His dark chocolate body was toned and well firm. He was one of the sexiest African American I knew. But I couldn't allow myself to be tempted.

'What's up?' He said 'Where is Sahmirah?'

'Mom has her' I answered. 'Sam we need to talk'
He stepped back letting me in the house.

I wasn't afraid that he would hit me. No. I was afraid that I was going to give in and have sex with him.

But I knew that if I wasn't strong now I would be in the future or for my daughter. So I quickly got to the point of why I was there.

'So your choosing your family over me then' he said calmly but I knew he was angry.

'No. I am just choosing what's best for Sahmirah Sam. I dont want her seeing us fighting and think that's what love is.'

'So u dont believe that I have changed then?'

I want to believe that he has but deep down I know he hasn't. And I know that he probably will always be the same. We have been playing this I have changed game and dancing to this song for so long.

'You can come and visit Sahmirah and take her on what ever days you like'

He node and I felt as if I was about to cry. And I had to keep telling myself that I was doing the right thing. Not only for me but for Sahmirah.

*****
As I walked home feeling as low as I could have be in my life. We have been together for so long that it was hard to let go. But I needed to and no matter how many times I told myself that I have done the right thing, I felt even worst than before.

As I entered my home that I shared with my mother, I went to my room. Sahmirah was in her crib sleeping. I was glad that she was, I was unable to play at this moment.
I couldn't think when I was hurting.

I lay in bed willing myself not to cry not to be weak. Sahmirah didn't need her mother to be weak right now. I have to be strong for her, for the both of us.

But even though I kept telling myself that I have to be strong I could still feel the hot tears going down my checks. I had to cry this last time I told myself. I was human and I was hurting. Hurting badly.