Paint Me A Better Life

Chapter Two

Waking up the next morning, my mind is fuzzy and the pounding headache isn't helping. I scramble to find my clothes, as they're scattered across the warehouse floor. Hoping to get out of here before Lexi wakes up.

The small amount of memories from last night begin to come back to me, in a somewhat high haze.

Walking over her crumpled dress that's thrown on the floor, and her underwear that's been tossed too I make it to the door. Walking out the brisk morning air hits me, my head still feeling heavy, the light of the sun makes it worse.

I pat my pocket to make sure I have some packets left for today, since I don't fight for another twenty four hours I need to be stocked.

I walk down the same street I always take, the routine in my life always the same. As a child that's how it was too-- a different and worse routine--but never less a routine.

"Tobias!" I heard my father call for me, from the lower floor. Whenever he calls for me--more like yells for me, I can never be sure what I'll meet. A cruel drunk, or just the usual sober abusive bastard.

Shaking the thought from my mind, I keep walking. I can never truly get away from those memories, but I can try to get as far as I can. Guess it's just another one of my 'demons', the things that bring me down in my darkest hour... and the hardest to get rid of.

Walking up the steps to Zeke's apartment, I see a girl walking down the street. I don't pay much attention to her, but the thing I notice the most is the color of her eyes. Even just a glance, they make me curious to who she is. She also carries a large painting canvas it looks like under her arm. But the greyish-blue eyed girl- I guess is just an adventure for another day.

Opening his door, I forget again to knock.

"Fuck." I mutter, turning away from being able to see Zeke and Shauna naked in bed.

"Four!" Shauna shrieks, covering up and running to the bathroom.

A moment later Zeke walks over to me, with boxers on. He's still laughing thinking that all this is some terribly funny joke. "You know, if you wanted to join you could've just asked." He teases.

"Screw you." I mumble, and he takes a look at me as I plop on his couch. I passed on his invitation to live with him... but I come over everyday and stay for hours. He calls it the same thing... I agree to disagree.

"You high man?" He asks, pouring me some coffee.

"No." I whisper, taking a sip. And honestly the little light he has in here is murdering my eyes.

"You so are. Let me guess, you were with--"

"Don't say her name." I tell him, but the way it came out it probably sounded more like a plea.

I'm not proud of it, of her. I'm not proud that I'm a junkie and sleep with whatever slut sells me my drugs. I could get help.. I know that I could if I set my mind to it. But the farther and farther I get lost in those drugs, the less I feel of my real life the better. And I'm not ready to give that up.

"Knock next time." Shauna scolds me, but smiles in the sisterly teasing way. She leaves for work after kissing her boyfriend goodbye.

When I first met Shauna, I was so surprised at how she welcomed me into her life with open arms. Through all I was putting my self and my life through, she still supported me in the sisterly way.

I like to think that sometimes it's because she went through the same thing with Zeke, that's she's been around someone like me before. But there are times when she has the face I hate; The look I can't stand... pity.

"You really need to get help Four." Zeke says, resting back in the chair across from me.

"We're not having this discussion." I say simply, not ready for the lecturing that comes with the subject.

"Fine, I won't tell you that the drugs you're taking are killing you, and that the girl you sleep with and get those drugs from is totally nasty. I won't explain to you again that there's a rehab center down the street. And hell, I won't even say once more that I'm here for you whenever and wherever." Zeke says, pushing himself off the chair and goes to shower.

I sigh once he's gone, sitting up a bit and rest my head in my hands, my elbows balancing on my knees.

You stay strong.

That's the three words echoing in my head, the voice belonging to my mother. My mother who left when I was eight. Left me with a monster for eight years before I found the strength to leave. I hear her and those words anytime this happens, anytime someone tries to help me.

I see how hard Zeke tries. How hard he tries to see past all this shit to find his best friend, but I know it's hard for him. He reaches out for me to take his hand, and to get clean... but I never take that hand. He tries to keep me busy some nights, in hope that I won't take a hit that day. But like all the hope I've ever experienced... it fails. He'll give up on me one day, it's just a matter of time.

Shauna lets me into her and her boyfriend's home, let's a drunk junkie into her home on a daily basis. I can't find any other friend that would do that... and I have a feeling that some day I'm going to lose all that. She'll get fed up with me and want me to never come over again. I can see it, and I guess that scares me a little. She's always been that sister I never had, that friend who's given me all she can... and I'm bound to loose that.

I get up and leave the apartment, feeling both the urge to ask myself what the hell I'm doing... and also the urge to snort some. Cloud all this, just forget it all. Guess which one won???

A/N: Hey all!! I know it's probably taking a bit to really get into the story, but I wanted to make sure I set up both the physical aspect of Tobias along with the mental and emotional side. :) Tris should be introduced in the next chapter.