Teenage Helpline

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LEGEND:
Leigh - italics
Colton - bold

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"Hello, this is Teenage Helpline. Please feel free to confess anything you want. We will always stay by your side and do our best to support you!"

"Yeah, hi. Um... I, uh..."

"..."

"..."

"Don't be pressurized; feel free to hang up anytime if you are uncomfortable."

"No, no. I'm fine. It's just..."

"Yes?"

"Uh, shouldn't a teenage helpline be, I don't know, less formal than this?"

"Well, good idea you've got there; it's just that we can't really say 'yo' to a customer. You know, just in case they're high and decide to take everything a bit too seriously."

"... Okay."

"..."

"..."

"So... about the reason why you called?"

"Uh.. well, it's kinda stupid..."

"We deal with stupid stuff all the time. As long as it's not 'what's nine plus ten' level of stupidity."

"Oh. Huh [nervous laugh]. Well, I... uh, well, you know what, nevermind that, can we just talk like normal people?"

"And would that help you feel better in any way?"

"I guess..."

" 'K, at least that's better than nothing."

"..."

"..."

"Um, sorry, I just... uh, what's your name?"

"It's JOOOOOHN CENA!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... No?"

"No, uh, it was hilarious. Really."

"About as hilarious as your non-existent laughter."

"Hahah, uh, well, that was awkward, and just for the record, I'm grinning, okay?"

"Glad to know your face muscles are still functioning."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Seriously though, are you uncomfortable? I can totally go away and another person can come to..."

"No no no, I'm fine! It's, uh, well..."

"..."

"..."

"Okay, yeah, uh huh, I totally get you."

"[breathless laugh] Sorry. I'm, uh... yeah... I'm just wasting time aren't I...?"

"No! Well, okay, listen. We people here at helplines never, ever take apologies from customers. Your calls are valuable to us, because we know they mean a lot. We are happy to sit here and listen to you all day, so we can..."

"Okay, I can tell you are reading that out of the aid-script-whateveritscalled. No teen is going to cherish the fact that they will have to waste their time listening to personal problems of other teens everyday. Even if it's kind of interesting, like how they ziplined a chihuahua across the lawn and how it broke the neighbour's desk lamp. And no, I'm not making it up, I've seen stuff like that."

"..."

"..."

"Wow, ok. That's the most I've heard from you since the start of this phonecall."

"Uh, I really haven't intended to speak that much. Sorry."

"I thought I already told you not to say that!"

"Um, right, ok, so... uh, well..."

"You want me to say something?"

"Yes. Yes. That'd be better."

"Um, okay. Let's start over then. Hi, I'm Leigh. What's your name?"

"I'm Colton. Nice to meet you, Leigh."

"You know, we haven't actually met or anything, and it's Leigh, L-E-I-G-H, not Lee, and also, my mom always told me to never trust strangers... Damn, I'm just making it worse aren't I?"

"Well, nothing can possibly get worse than this whole awkward decision."

"You are so freaking pessimistic."

"Like you're any better."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Uh, okay, you are better than me at this, so, that was stupid."

"Hahah. Okay, Colton, what is the reason you chose to use our service tonight?"

"Well, it's just... I have problems with my relationship. I know this isn't a Breakup Helpline, but I and my girlfriend aren't complete strangers yet, so..."

"... Okay, what's the problem then? You can always tell us, you know, to lighten the feels."

"She's been acting strange lately, kinda distant and too serious. I haven't had real proof, but some of my friends told me they'd seen her at another guy's house. I'm not sure though. I mean, I don't want to ruin it while it still has a chance..."

"Hmm, yeah. Maybe just hang on for a little while, then ask her when you feel she's crossed the line."

"Okay. You think that will do?"

"Yeah, in the mean time. Just relax. You sound like a genuine guy. She should feel lucky being your girl."

"Wow, optimistic."

"Always."

"Okay, uh, thanks for the help. Maybe... see you later?"

"Sure. See yah."

[Click.]