Teenage Helpline

6 : 2 0 a m

LEGEND:
Leigh - italics
Colton - bold

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"..."

"Fleur, I messed up. I fucking messed up. I... I can't... [sobs]. She hates me now. She disgusts me. I know. I just know. And no matter what I do, I can't face her, because I... I... [voice breaks]. She should hate me. No one is ever going to make it anywhere, being next to me. I'm a fucker. I can't do shit. I make messes I can't clean up. All of them... they're still there, and they are here now, right now... Oh god, I can't breathe... What do I do now, helpline, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do..."

"[shouts] Leigh! I think there's something wrong..."

"[worried] What? Give it to me. [now clear] Colton, are you okay? Colton! Colton!"

"Before I... before this digs in, tell me why."

"Colton, you can't..."

"Fuck it, Leigh, tell-me-why."

"Why WHAT?"

"Why you act the way you do! You aren't daft. You know what I mean."

"Because I cared about you, Colton."

"What way?"

"Leigh..."

"Like how I should."

"Leigh, what the fuck?!"

"[bitter laugh] Oh, okay..."

"And, Colton, I will continue to treat you that way if you won't stop putting yourself down."

"Like I actually give a shit."

"You do. And we both know it. You do give a shit. You give a crap load of shit. And you want to know why I know? Because I do, too. Did you really think I was that clueless?"

"Then why... why...? WHY?"

"BECAUSE I AM SCARED! This bullshit feels so good, it feels so bullshit. I don't want to..."

"You don't want me."

"What? [breathlessly] No! I... I..."

"You feel like I can't secure your future. You feel like I am going to toy with you, then ditch you like the piece of shit I am. And it's true. My sister died this morning. She had cancer. Couldn't help anymore, the doctors said, and left the room, so ready for a funeral. There was no one left, and I was there, and for a moment I was actually thinking what they are thinking, that if she dies then it would be one less problem for everyone. And... and, like a miracle, she opened her eyes one last time, but she never looked at me. She watched the ceiling as the monotonous beeps of the machines died out, and then she did, too. Just like that. And I ditched her. I drove straight home and flung myself onto the bed and slept, can you fucking believe it, and I was so tired of everything, of this love, of the deaths, of life, that I actually managed to fall asleep until this dream - this nightmare, I don't even know anymore - with you inside it woke me, and I found myself grabbing for the phone, my hands dialing this number, and I stayed wide awake for the next 5 hours, even though I just wanted to cry and sleep and cry and sleep and cry again, because fuck, what's life for when you no longer have a purpose? I don't want to let you down, but it's so painful to acknowledge that you are on your bed, crying for yourself, moaning about your life, when your fucking sister just died, and feel nothing at all about it - and that's what I'm scared of, Leigh. I'm so hopeless, so easily manipulated it scares myself. I'm not worthy for you. Maybe... maybe if I'm gone it will be one less problem for everyone..."

"Colton, don't you dare..."

[soft grunt. scuffles.]

"And I let you down again..."

"[freaking out] Colton, you stupid fuck-faced motherfucker, what the fuck did you do? Colton! Answer me you ungrateful son of a... COLTON!"

"... Sorry [barely audible]."

"[trembling] Oh god... Fleur - he... Colton, where do you live? Colton!"

"Won't matter now... will it..."

"Where are you? [crying] Colton, I'm so sorry for everything, just tell me where you are, I'll come and I swear I'll never leave you, please..."

"You're b... bribing me..."

"So you'd listen to me for once, idiot. Where are you?"

"D25... [coughs] Kingswood..."

"Hello? HELLO?!"

[Click.]