Chapter 45:
It was all a blur.
I was in my bathtub cradling my forearm, my masterpiece, after cutting a wound deep into my other forearm, waiting for me to bleed out all of my love and hate, and then I was suddenly lifted up.
My vision was blurry, I was almost out of love and hate. Almost out. I just had to wait a little more, and I would be gone...
My name was faintly called and I smile internally.
My name... I hated it. Janelle. Why should parent spick their children's names? Wy couldn't children so it themselves when they were older?
The wild mops of blonde and then brunette and then black hair confused me. Were these demons? Were they going to take me to hell, where I can rot and get all the pain I deserve? I hope they were.
I was lifted out of my bathtub, my paradise of the wrongs inside of me, and with all the strength I had left inside of me, I screamed and fought. They couldn't do this, I had to die. I had to die. I have to die.
The pain, I have to feel it.
Why can't I feel anything?
I'm running out of blood, the carrier of love and hate. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. All of the hurt is gone, soon to be replaced with new pain that I deserve for all the horrible things I have done. I hope Johnson find a beautiful wife... they should have many children, a nice house, and a bright future.
The love of my life should have a great future. It was what he deserved.
They strapped me down. The demons who took my chance of getting what I deserve away from me. Why? Did they think that it would be better to keep me on earth and punish me here? Was it better that way?
Maybe it was.
I will try again.
I will always try and try again, until I succeed.
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