The Art of Balancing » work in progress

CH. 13: "Professor Plum did it."

I approach the kitchen with a knot in my stomach.

I don't know exactly why I still feel nervous about talking to Graham Bryant. What's the worse that could honestly happen at this point? I was already expecting for him to finally, flat-out tell me that he hates me, so I had no reason to want to puke. I just had to get it over with.

I raise my hand, about to knock, but I decide at the last moment that I'm so tired of all of this. If I hadn't been making fun of him in the first place, to his best friend no less, then Darcy wouldn't have had a reason to bitch slam Graham. Then he would have never finally realized just how much it wasn't worth trying to be my friend, and also, he wouldn't have a reason to be a jerk to Landon. It all came back to me.

I see Graham tossing a banana back and forth between his hands and he almost drops it when I enter. He stares at me softly for just a second, but then his eyes narrow and he looks so.. I don't even know! Angry? Confused? It was something weird, and it didn't help my stomach.

Just get it over with, Violet.

"Graham, look. I'm sorry." I say. He opens his mouth like he's about to tell me to leave, so I cut right to it. "The reason nobody has really apologized about the Darcy thing is because you never gave us the chance to, okay? And I'm sorry. God, I hate feeling like I even owe you an apology.."

I cross my arms and Graham still looks stiff.

"Landon and Marina put you up to this?" He asks suspiciously, raising an eyebrow at me as I quickly shake my head. "What's done is done, alright?"

I wasn't done though.

"Everything that happened.." I start again, and he sighs. "Darcy completely bitching you out.. None of that was intentional, I promise. I was just, y'know, being my bitchy self and Landon and I were talking.. Okay, side note, I actually felt bad about what I said to you at the school. About Wesley and Darcy. So I'm sorry for that too. I was just embarrassed."

"It's oka--"

"No, it's not." I scrunch my face up. I think he's just saying that so I'll go home. "I'm such a bitch to you, all the time, too! And you totally put up with it, or I guess you used to. Almost like someone was paying you to be my friend. And you're so nice.. I feel like such an asshole now. I don't know why I suddenly decided to realize how awful I am, but I do, so that has to count for something." I shrug. "I never meant for Darcy to hear or to say all the things she did to you."

He continues to stare. "Why are you doing this, Dempsey? You don't care."

"But I DO." I struggle to get the words out of my mouth. "And I hate that I do, believe me. I don't know why I'm so mean to you, okay? But I am sorry. About everything."

We stare at each other for a second, and then I clear my throat. When I finally speak again, my voice is a lot softer and noticably less demanding.

"Why... Are you avoiding me because of.."

I can't seem to finish the sentence. I feel so small and insecure. It's almost as if my mind has tricked me into thinking that if I actually say it, then it becomes true. The only problem is, it's already real.

I think Graham knows what I'm trying to say, though, because as soon as the words leave me, he sets the banana down. And that's obviously a sign of sympathy.

Except now his face seems a lot more pained than before, maybe even uncomfortable. Then he lifts his shirt up and at first I think he's gone insane and has decided to answer my question with a strip tease.. but then it kind of makes sense.

On his stomach, which can I add almost has me drooling, he has an array of faded scars that look like burns against his tanned skin. I had never noticed them before and I don't think I would have had he not traced them out for me.