Book Of Thoughts

Can I Die In A Hole?

I feel so alone rn. I have two people I can talk to I guess but sometimes it's really hard to share what I'm feeling. I have to fake myself through life and pretend I'm happy and smile but really I'm not. I have a crush on someone from my old school... well two crushes. I like these two kids. One is super short and I dated him once... he's really cute and I was heartbroken when he dumped me. Idek why, we didn't even know each other super much. I miss him.

The other kid I've never dated, but I've heard some bad things about him lately. But isn't love when you love someone, despite their mistakes? It's that way with these two kids. One hurt me beyond recognition, while the other has messed up countless times. Yet I like them both. I guess, whoever gets to me first I'll probably date. If they ever ask me out again.

So yeah. This is the shit I go through. Not to mention the fact that I miss my best friend @bloodywrists_ aka Ashley. I need to see her soon. God, fml.

Also, I used to believe in God but I don't anymore. If he was real would he put me through this? If he was real he could have done much better than create me. If he was real, there'd be no such thing as hunger, cancer, homeless people, divorce, murder, abuse, homicide, suicide, depression, cutting, etc etc etc.

If God is real, why would he do this to me? Take me away from the best school, the best friend, the best life, and why would he let me suffer this... this... depression? I don't know anymore. Again, this is only my opinion, so if you would like to argue with me go ahead and do it in the comments or message me.

I guess that's it...

Ima go die in a hole now.