We left nothing, but our paw prints in the snow

Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Funny. I never felt afraid of non-physical things in a way that made me want to run from them before. It was a strange feeling. All I wanted to do, was stay away, and never have to face it again. Why did I have to become an Alpha so early. Why did I have to choose my mate so early. I hadn't even done the trial year, and I wasn't about to do one either. This pack was going to die anyway, why bother even try to save it. Why couldn't Pineneedles-Earth and I just leave. Most of these wolves were old enough, even if a lot of them weren't. I wasn't even enough part of their pack to allow myself to feel troubled by one of their problems as greatly as this. It just wasn't fair. Why me? Why hadn't I gone back to my mother? She would have continued training me, as I would have liked it. Why couldn't I have just made it clear from the beginning that I was small and weak and irresponsible? Nobody wanted a wolf like that to lead a pack. Why did I have to growl back, to show that I could, if I really wanted to? To show that I had determination. Why?

I tried telling myself that I was acting mostly on impulse, so maybe I was meant to become alpha of this pack. I would like to say that it worked, but I'm not a convincing liar, so I'll be honest and say that I let myself get hurt by my own thoughts. I know that it's pathetic, but I really wasn't in the mood of playing the strong hero. I mean, how far has that gotten me lately?

Okay, I have to go back, and take over my responsibility, I mean, how hard can that be? Very hard. I really am a bad liar. Can't even lie to myself to make myself feel better. And now I have the problem of suddenly acting like a coward. I never did do this before. Maybe I was hiding from something that wasn't obvious, and when I find out what it is, I will feel bad for not noticing it earlier. Great, now I feel loads better.

I heard snow moving and paws hitting the ground lightly. I smelt pine-needles and earth. I turned around to face Pineneedles-Earth, but of course, he wasn't to be seen yet. I waited for him to turn up. When he finally did, I felt guilty, and ashamed.

I whimpered quietly, which was even more pathetic.

I walked to him, suddenly not sure about how I should behave, after all, I had kind of just not accepted him, even if behind my not acceptance, was an acceptance.

“Sorry”, I apologised by lowering my head.

“For what?”

“For not accepting you as a mate earlier. I would have, you know, but I do not want to become alpha.”

“That's okay. I probably would have done the same.”

That's what I really liked about being a wolf. I had heard from some one once that other animals sometimes go through these really complicated times where nobody knows whether they are liked or not. I also heard that you couldn't ask, because that was just not what you did, and even if you did, and you got an answer, then you couldn't rely on the fact the the other animal was telling the truth. I was really appreciated that with wolves, everything was straight forward. I couldn't imagine it not being, but that's what I heard.

I breathed out a heavy long breath.

“Hey, what's up?” he asked me by bringing my head up so I was eye level with him.

“Do you want to be my mate?”

“I thought that that was obvious,” he stated.

“I just want to be extra sure. At the moment, I don't really know what to think.”

In answer, he touched my black nose with his, and licked my black lips, the only dark things on my body.

I would take that as a yes.

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A/N: Sorry, this is one of the shortest chpters I have ever written, but it felt like a good ending, so...