We left nothing, but our paw prints in the snow

Chapter 28

Chapter 28:

Mate jumped out of the bush, the way he would pounce on prey. My first instinct was to protect the cubs, but I fought that instinct, reminding myself that Mate was playing, and jumped at him too.

We met in mid-air and knocked each other off course and rolled on the ground, laughing. I knew this game. The goal is to try and roll on top of the wolf you're playing with.

I could sense the cubs watching me with their eager eyes, and I was proud of them. Proud that they would learn everything they could, when they could. Proud, that I didn't have to tell them to do this. And proud that they had noticed the shadow before me.

Finally Mate and I rolled to a stop, him on top of me, which I quickly changed. He bared his teeth at me in a grin and I jumped off him, letting him get up to meet the cubs. Meanwhile the rest of the pack had found us and were waiting eagerly for me to introduce them. Every wolf here today, the cubs would remember as part of the pack. Anyone not here today, the cubs would have a hard time accepting.

“Mate, I call this one Two-Eyes, this one Nacht and this one Shadow.”

“Hmm, I can see why,” he nodded in approval.

The cubs looked at him, taking in everything they could. I knew they were sniffing the air, as I had told them to. I knew they were looking Mate up and down, and they were listeneing to his breathing, all like I had told them to. This made me even more proud. My first litter, and so far I had done things right.

“Papa?” Two-Eyes tried out, looking at Mate curiously.

“Yes, Two-Eyes. That's your Papa,” I encouraged.

“Papa?” her brothers copied.

Mate, being who he was, invited them to a game of tag. A useful game. You had to be fast and clever and quiet. Just like when hunting. I had taught them how to accept this invitation and how to recognise it.

I watched proudly as they accepted and then ran off, indicating that Mate was to chase them, and he gladly obliged; running slower than he could, to give the cubs a chance, but not unchallengingly slow.

I saw the rest of the pack itching to play along, so I quickly greeted them all, then we joined the game of tag, running, around wildly, picking out a wolf and chasing him or her relentlessly until we caught them, then let them go again so that they could catch the next. I was so happy to see the cubs running around, being chased chasing others. The older ones were so gentle, and sometimes let themselves be caught. I was so, so happy and proud.

I found Mate and told him to follow me a slight way away.

“What's up Doe?” he asked me.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he returned, but I could tell that he knew that that wasn't what I had wanted to tell him.

“I've been thinking, that we really should leave here. Really. I want to wait for the cubs to get stronger, so that we can go longer distances. I want them to grow up a bit here, let them get to know the place. But next spring will be too late to leave, and leaving in the winter will be harsh on all the wovles. And what about Pup. I know I treat her as one of us, and her spirit is that of a wolf, but her body is, and always will be, that of a human. I don't know how much distance she can cover. How will she survive the winter without fur?”

“Calm down Doe. We just need to think this through carefully, pick the best time to leave, and leave. As for Pup. We might have to wait for her to be ready to leave the pack, from age.”

“I can't figure out how old she is. Her body has experienced more springs than mine, but her spirit, I feel, is several younger. And I left young. You left young. We both know that.”

“Doe, you know, we can only let her leave when she feels ready. Not when we feel ready, but when she does. Because we can't figure out what to do, we have to trust her to do the right thing, like the pack trusts us, even though we're completely new to this game. Even though technically, we skipped our first litter.”

“Mate, I don't know what to think. If we have to wait for Pup to leave, then we're stuck here until then, and we don't know when that will be. In the mean time something is happening. That moose we found, that was weird. Nothing any wolf from this pack has ever come across, and our knowledge is limited by our collected experiences.”

“Yes Doe. I know. But listen, we don't know how to raise Pup, let's face it. And so we have to wait for her to leave, and prepare her as best we can. If things become to desperate we can either abandon her, or bring her. But I'm afraid either one would kill her.”

“How could you abondon her?”

“I couldn't. I meant theoretically.”

“I guess you're right,” I admitted. “Mate. I'm scared,” I finally allowed myself to say.

“It's okay Doe. What's the worst that could happen?” he ased comfortingly.

“We all die,” I answered without thinking.

“Doe, you know that that's very unlikely.”

“What if we die like that moose? Not hunted, not aged, but killed. Killed, the killer – not hunter – killing so skillfully that he, or she, or they can't be tracked.”

“Then, dear Doe,” I smiled at the pun, “that is what will happen. And there's nothing you, or I, or we together, with or without the help of the pack, can do about it. And worrying certainly won't do anything except exhaust you. Don't waist your energy. I have a feeling that energy is a precious thing at the moment.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, not allowing myself to think of the horrible things that could happen to the pack, to the cubs. I opened my eyes again and let Mate know that I was grateful for our conversation.

“Anytime Doe,” was his reply. “Let's make you happy again,” and he started chasing me, not bothering with an invitation. I ran back to the pack, our tails wagging frantically.