We left nothing, but our paw prints in the snow

Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

I felt like some tree had decided to drop a load of ice or snow on me. I felt heavy, then numb, that same numbness that you get from the cold. I didn't dare think about it, but even without thinking, I knew what had happened. It didn't take a genius to see that the alpha female had burned in the fire. The very same fire that would have killed me if it weren't for my mate.

Why did I see him as my mate now. Why don't I label him to his smell any more, like I do with every other wolf.

I looked at him. I hadn't even thanked him for saving me, and now that I come to think of it, had he been forced to make a decision between saving me and his, our, alpha? I couldn't bear the thought.

“What happened?” I asked with a twitch of my nose and lips.

“Long story,” was all he answered. In other words, he didn't want to tell me, either because he couldn’t bear reliving the moment, or because he thought that I couldn't bear the information. That fact alone that he didn't want to answer my question, already meant that what had happened had probably been bad. That wasn't really, err... happy making.

I decided that I had to know something about what had happened. So I asked a question that couldn't hurt. “How did I get here?”

I was wrong. It could hurt.

The pain in his eyes was unbearable for me to look at, because it made me fell so bad for asking the question.

I hurriedly looked away to give him some privacy for his emotions, but moaned, asking me to not leave him alone to deal with it.

I turned back to face him. If he didn't want to face the stuff alone, we may as well face it directly together and get it over with. Having it hanging over our noses also isn't any better.

I asked in a more pressuring way, “How did I get here?”

Something about the way I asked, or something about the fact that I was asking it again, made him sounder, and this time he answered me.

“I had to drag you. Sorry.”

“What about?” I asked him.

“Dragging you.”

I thought question-mark, and it must have shown because he continued, “I had to bite the scruff of your neck. I couldn't hold you any other way. You lost a lot of blood because of that.”

Now I understood why I had felt so dizzy. It was the lack of blood. That would also be one the reasons why I was so hungry now. Okay, being hungry was nothing unusual, but this hungry was something worth mentioning.

Something about my expression of behaviour or what-ever-else, gave my thoughts away, because he said, “Come, there's a river not too far off from here. You can drink form it if it hasn't frozen over yet.”

I couldn't help but point out that it's the middle of winter and that there was snow everywhere. The last thing a wolf is in the middle of winter, is thirsty. Hungry on the other hand...

I told me to follow him anyway. Claimed that a walk wouldn't be all to bad for me. So I tried to get up, but as soon as I had gotten as far as standing, I felt my legs wobble, and finally buckle. I was out of energy, and I really had to do something about it. Unfortunately, the only thing I could think of was eating. But what? It was the middle of winter. Prey was scarce, and the forest had just been burned, meaning that there was probably even less food now. Great. Survive a fire, live through a human attack, and die of the most pathetic thing possible. Starvation. I mean, if you plan things carefully, you know when to start hunting, but no! I had to go and get myself knocked-out for a long while, and then find I'm too weak to even stand, let alone hunt for probably non-existent prey. Super!

I didn't really want to die like this. It was way too embarrassing. I mean, you would have thought that my pack had raised me better than this. And wolves wanted me to lead their pack. Like I could ever do a good job of that. The thing was, somebody was going to have to do so, because at the moment there was no alpha, and if nobody came and claimed the positions, the pack would break and fall apart. Become forgotten. I didn't want that to happen simply because I was too weak to take the place and get myself something decent to eat. It wasn't like I wanted to starve, or anything, but I just lacked the will-power to get this useless body of mine hunting and eating again.

I looked up from the floor. I looked at my mate. He believed in me. That should have been enough reason or enough of a trigger for me to want to survive and therefore hunt, and become alpha.

He turned around to look at me. I must have had “hopeless” written all over my body, in both posture and expression, because he turned around and walked back towards me. I didn't know what to do. I was completely confused, and had a throbbing head-ache. It was horrible. Argh! Why couldn't I think straight. Hadn't my family always called me a thinker? Hadn't they always teased me for the many hours I had spent thinking about things, instead of playing, or developing my hunting skills? Me, the wolf who was known as a thinker, couldn't think straight! What was wrong with me?

I was completely frustrated, and all I wanted was to lie down, go to sleep and never wake up. Why couldn't I just do that? Leave the mess of this world to some other wolf to sort out? Why? I mean, so many have died before me. Both alphas to begin with, which kinda landed me this mess. I felt a surge of anger and bitterness rush through me. Who did those wolves think they were? Taking away and ruining wolves' lives under the pretence of doing something kind. Who was I to think like that? What was I even doing here? I should be leading this pack to safety, or die trying. I should, at the very least be hunting for the pack. Wasn't it my responsibility? And why was I thinking like the alpha of this pack? What pack? There was no real pack any more to be alpha of.

Suddenly, my head went completely blank, freeing me of those really annoying thoughts. The reason? My mate had nuzzled me. Now the only though in my head was, “Get my mate and myself out of this and have pups”.

Whoa! Where did that thought come from? Yeah, he was my mate, but I wasn't even full-grown yet!

I looked into his eyes for a very short time, but when I wanted to look away, I found myself in his grip. I couldn't look away now, even if I wanted to. I felt bad. I wasn't meant to let him hurt, and now he was hurting because of me! What exactly was I meant to do? He was doing everything in his power to make me feel good, and I was probably crushing him. I felt dreadful all over again.

Right. Step by step! That's was our pack's old motto, or more, my mum's old motto.

I will gather the rest of this pack, and lead us to safety! Then, I will see what to do...