after all.. | raura

f i v e

I threw the pencil on the floor in anger. I couldn't think of lyrics and it was killing me.

Well it's been months now since Ross and I broke up. We've separated ways and I'm actually with Andrew and he's actually with Courtney. I haven't seen him in...so fucking long.

Probably like 9 months. Crazy, I know. And well of course I still love him but I can't show my love to him. I promised I'd love him till the end and I'm not that person who would break a promise.

i sighed in frustration. i decided to take a break. i opened my iPad and entered Instagram. i came across a picture that ross posted. he was in the elevator with courtney, her thigh was slightly around his hips. i felt something rush through me. jealousy...

it looks like he really loves her to be fucking honest. Maybe our promise won't always be as strong as we thought.

I can't control his feelings. I can't make him like me, and make his feelings for Courtney vanish. That's just not how it works. He has his own heart that even he can't control..

I sighed. I'm just hurting myself even more, while saying those stuff. It just breaks my heart, that I'm here. Thinking of him. And he's probably with Courtney having fun not even giving a shit about me, or how I feel.

I'm not trying to be selfish. I don't want him all to myself cause I know other people want him too. It's just that...I miss him...

I miss his kisses, his hugs, his voice, his body, his laugh, his smile. Everything. I could go on and on but it would take all year long for me to finish.

I looked at the clock. Wow. I've been thinking for a long time. I better get back to work.

I tried thinking of ideas for my song. Then I thought about it...Ross. All the heart break I've been through, everything we ever went through.

Then the paper started filling up. So many thoughts came into my mind. I wrote them down.

••a few hours later••

I layed on my bed, sighing. I started staring at the ceiling. Then suddenly my phone started ringing.

I looked at the caller ID

Rossy❤️

It read.

I haven't talked to him in such a long time, I even forgot to change his name on my phone.

Should I answer? Or not? Ugh I should answer. I answered and held the phone close to my ear. "H-hello?" I heard him say through the phone. "hey.." I said. "Um hey laur I wanted to ask you something, it's from Heath and Kevin" he said. "Go ahead" I smiled

"So you weren't answering any of their calls so they wanted me to tell you, there's gonna be a cast reunion tomorrow at 11" he said.

"Oh shit I have something to do tomorrow" I said. I heard him laugh through the phone "is little laury cussing now?" He laughed. "Oh shut up" I laughed along.

I miss him. A lot.

••the next day••

So I got a way to squeeze the A&A reunion in my schedule today.

I walked towards the coffee shop were meeting at. I suddenly spotted a mop of blond hair walking there too...Ross..