after all.. | raura

t h i r t e e n

- 5 months later -

i threw my alarm across my room and groaned. fuck.

it's been five months and i still don't know what happened and why ross just left. he still performs. he's still out there. he's not completely gone. he just decided to be gone from my life. he still knows i'm here. he just chooses to ignore me.

i've been depressed. all i wear are hoodies and mostly black stuff. i cry myself to sleep everyday. i cut myself. i barely go to the studio. i never show up to the shows i'm supposed to do. my life has just been messed up without him.

boys. i know. something stupid to be depressed about. but this boy isn't like all the others. he made me feel special. but i guess it wasn't real, since he left he's been so happy. it makes me think he was faking it all. i was nothing to him.

"laura you were supposed to be at the studio three hours ago! what are you doing?" shelby, my manger barged into my apartment. it used to be ours.

i sighed "im sorry shelby" i mumbled and put my shoes on, and walked to the door. she followed me out to the car.

while she drove to the studio, i pulled out my phone and did what i usually do every month. i tweet quotes.

@lauramarano: it hurts the worst when the person who made you feel so special yesterday, makes you feel so unwanted today.

"were here" shelby said and got out. she's never had that..spirit. she's always so down.

-

i scrolled through my instagram feed. i came across a picture ross posted. it was a picture of him and courtney at a club. he had his arm wrapped around her and a glass in his hand, as he rose it up, with a big smile on his face.

i threw my phone on the floor and buried my face in my face in my pillow. i sobbed loudly. they're back together...and it irritates me so fucking much that he didn't even bother to tell me he wanted to break up. he just left. without a fucking word.

i got up and wiped my tears. i'm gonna go on a walk to clear my mind.

-

i stepped out, and the freezing cold air hit my face. i weakly smiled. i walked slowly and admired the trees and sky. and just the nature.

i wanna get over ross so badly. so fucking badly. but you cant get over someone you've loved for four years. he just got over me so fast. i wish i could.

that's if he even loved me.

if he loved me he wouldn't have broken my heart. he would be at least told me he wanted to break up instead of just going to some other girl and leaving me dumbfounded.

fucking jerk.

----

i've got some drama in storrree ;))

fav line??