after all.. | raura

f o r t y - e i g h t

i finally decided to listen to one voice memo ross sent me. i'm currently in my bed, about to go sleep.

i press play, "hey laur. i'm-" he sighs "im so sorry. i was caught in the moment. not even that, she just-brought her lips on mine with no warning. i pulled away straight away i swear. i got mad and left. please just-please forgive me"

i should've let him explain..i feel terrible. i pursed my lips, and put a hand on my forehead. realizing how fucking stupid i am.

i sigh, opening my messages app and texting ross.

to ross💛💛:
hey. i'm so sorry about the way i reacted.
i should've let you explain. i forgive you.

to ross💛💛:
and also, i pumped some milk and kept it
in the fridge for bella.

aw, i miss my baby.

i turn my phone off, and lay myself under the covers. the scent immediately brought back childhood memories.

—-

i decided to go back to our apartment. because his explanation was reasonable. i mean, courtney's done it before. i wasn't surprised she did it again. and plus, i couldn't spend another second away from bella . it really felt like i was the baby thats attached to her, not the other way around .

"she was crying all night. more than usualshe missed you laur" ross smiled holding her. i pursed my lips, taking her from his arms and grasping her in mine. "hello baby, mommy missed you, yes she did" i talked in my baby voice, giggling .

and thats when it happened, her first smile . i looked down at her, my mouth hung wide open . i let out a gasp, tears blurring my vision. "r-ross-" he immediately stood next to me, and before you know it, we were both staring down at her like it was our first time seeing someone smile.

it sounds dramatic. yeah, my baby smiled for the first time . that may sound ordinary to you, but to me, it was literally like magic.

but just like everything good, theres always an end . always something..

and this time, i had to be that something.

i turned to ross and looked up at him. he saw right through me . just like always . "hey, whats wrong? you okay?" he seemed concerned . and i knew i was going to regret those very words about to escape my lips .

"ross.." i licked my lips, getting prepared. i gently put bella down on this play mat thing we got her with the toys hanging down and-yeah, thats not the point right now .

"yeah? everything okay babe?" he raised his eyebrows . i felt a lump grow in my throat . i really didnt want to do what i was about to do . but i knew it was for the best .

"i-i think we should.." i gulped, a tear rolling down my cheek. i told myself to suck it up and just do it . "break up"

"what?" his eyes widened. "you cant be serious right now..tell me you arent serious laura!" he shouted . i closed my eyes after biting my lip. and when i opened my eyes, i saw his eyes . and they were filled with anger, sadness, hurt, confusion, guilt .

"y-youre serious" he nodded looking away for a few seconds. "why laura?? why?!"

i put my hand on his arm . "ross, its for the best.." my voice cracked. "for the both of us" the tears just kept running . "and trust me, i wanna stay with you . forever . we just constantly keep hurting each other. its not good for us or bella . so we need to stop being selfish and think about her too . because shes part of us . she came from us" i swallowed hard and wiped my tears .

"yeah . exactly . she came from us . she should stay with us . together!" he tried making a point .

"ross . we have to make sacrifices for her . you know that . and i dont think it would be best for her to grow up with parents fighting all the damn time!" when we started raising our voices, bellas cries filled the room . like she was begging for us to stop .

"see this is exactly what i mean" my voice was barely clear . i just looked at him one last time before walking away to pick up bella .

"we both need a reality check, ross"