I woke up extremely early this morning. Hours before the orderly came through and told us it was time to get up.
My eyes scanned over the lists I'd composed last night and a small smile spread across my face. Soon.
I stuffed one into my pants pocket and left the other still attached to the pad Dr. Murphy had given me. "This will keep him off me for awhile" I nodded, remembering I still needed to gather my things. James would be here later to pick me up.
After packing the small amount of personal items id been aloud to bring, I opened my window, mind drifting back to when Ben and I first started dating.
-----------------------
*flashback*
"Danny there's something I need to tell you" Ben said, cupping each side of my face with his hands.
I'd been with a lot of people in my life, but I'd never felt this way about any of them. None of them mattered. Until Ben came into my life. He was the absolute best thing that had ever happened to me.
"What baby?" I asked, hoping this wasn't something bad.
"I want you to know I love you. I love you so fucking much, Danny. And nothing not even death will make me stop."
*end flashback*
"I love you, Ben. Just as much as I did all those years ago." I whispered, playing with my wedding band.
I glanced over at the clock on the wall. 9:45. I was to see the good old doctor in 15 minutes.
I closed the curtain and grabbed my pad and headed out the door.
Stopping in front of Dr. Murphy's door I knocked and waited for his response.
"Right on time. Come in, Danny" he said.
With a smile I walked in and took a seat on the edge of the couch.
"So we're going home in a couple hours. You ready for that?" He asked.
I nodded and took a deep breath "I think so. I know it's going to be hard, but I'll get through it" I said.
His eyes fell on the paper I was holding and he grinned. "So, do you want to go over this list first?" He asked.
I nodded and held the paper up where I could see it and began reading.
"1. I'm going to start writing again.
It's been so long since I've wrote a song, or anything and it's something I really miss."
The doctor nodded and urged me to continue.
"2. I'm going to thank the fans for all their love and support.
They've been really awesome during this whole thing. I owe a lot to them.
3. I'm going to spend more time with my family and the guys.
If there's one thing this experience has taught me it's you never know when your days on this earth are over. Tomorrow isn't promised.
4. Since Asking Alexandria is over, I was thinking of focusing on my side project band, We Are Harlot.
Being a musician is my life. It's all I've ever known. It's what I'm good at. And even though he's gone, Ben would want me to continue in some way. And this is the best way I can think of.
5. Since I can't fly to England, I'm going to write Ben's family.
They were so good to me while we were there, and I feel like they didn't get a real chance to mourn because I was such a mess. I want them to know how much I appreciate them.
And that's pretty much it for now. I just want to take things one day at a time. I have a long road ahead of me, but I know I'll be okay" I said.
Dr. Murphy was smiling bigger than I'd ever seen him before. And once I was done reading he stood and clapped his hands.
