Heartbreaker - Episode 1

Sofas And Ice-cream

The big nasty Cretan snorted in a disgusting way, then pointed his shotgun at me. I ducked behind his sofa. The man bellowed, "You chose the wrong guy to mess with, lady!"

I feel like I should introduce myself. I'm Eris. I'm a heartbreaker. And this is my favourite job in the world.

The Cretan fired and the edge of the sofa vanished up in the air. Yellow puffs of stuffing flew all over the place. I held my head, more in surprise that it was still there than anything else, and crawled without a shred of dignity towards a door.

I'll tell you what happened. But first, you need to see me at my least favourite job.

It was three days ago. I was working beside my best friend Harmony, both of us in our silly neon uniforms, manning the take-away counter. The shop was practically empty and I was chewing on a gum loudly, getting angry stares from Harmony. She hated chewing sounds.

A woman strolled in the shop, a kid in tow. She had him on a tight grip and pulling him in a slide over the floor.

"I want ice-cream!" the kid said as soon as they reached the counter.

"No, you can't have ice-cream," his mother said in the motherly-scolding tone all mothers adopt in these situations. "We've talked about this."

"But mooom..." the kid whined and fell on the floor.

I leaned down over the counter to him and said, "I think you should have some ice-cream. The chocolate sprinkles are to die for," and winked.

His mom stepped between us and said, "Excuse me! Don't make him agitated now young lady. Who are you to talk to my kid?"

I typed in the ice-cream order and flashed her my smile. "I'm Eris. So, one chocolate sprinkled ice-cream and..."

"Yay!" the kid said and raised up his arms.

His mother pulled him away and turned to me, shocked, "I'll be talking to your manager for this, young lady!" Then she dragged the child all the way to the parking spot.

Harmony sighed beside me. "Why do you enjoy this so much?"

"Enjoy what," I asked.

"This! Messing with people."

"Oh. Well, it's the only thing that makes this job bearable," I said.

Harmony shook her head. "And to think that you actually like these stupid uniforms..."

"What? They are bright and merry! Yeah, I like them."

Harmony just stared. I knew damn well what she thought of my peppiness.