Heartbreaker - Episode 1

One And Night Stands

The beautiful woman woke up. It was broad daylight but I sat completely still in the living room waiting for her, so she didn't notice me. She moaned in pleasure as she stretched herself, then a pause, then a small yelp of excitement as she saw the breakfast in bed Tyler had prepared for her.

Then a soft inhalation. She was smelling the rose.

I heard the plate clink.

Then she shuffled in the bedroom, and appeared in the doorway with one of Tyler's shirts, nothing underneath.

Her smile faded as she saw me.

"Hi! I'm Eris," I said joyfully, but I wasn't really feeling it by then.

A flash of anger in her face. She was supermodel hot. Long blonde hair in curls messed up just enough, perfect legs, perfect butt, perfect... everything. Tyler's type. "I-Huh. Tyler didn't say anything about... Being with another..."

"Oh don't worry," I waved away. "He's single. I'm his sister."

She cheered up at that. "Oh! Yes, I can see the resemblance now. That's good of him. Having a sister and everything."

"Not really. Anyway, Tyler wants me to tell you that he's breaking up with you. I'm sure you've had a great night, with bubbly champagne and passionate sex. He's very sorry but it won't work out. He wishes you well. You can shower if you'd like, before you leave," I said, and tried to smile.

Her stare was deadly. "He's sorry? Shower? Before I leave?"

"Yes. Though I'd personally appreciate if you could speed this along, not everyone in this family is a successful lawyer. I have to go find a job and stuff," I said, nodding.

My phone vibrated and I checked. It was Ryan. I rejected the call and looked back at the beautiful pissed off woman.

She pointed at my side.

"What is that?" she asked, obviously knowing what it was but was revving up for rage.

"That? Oh right!" I said and picked up the gift basket. Silly me, I was totally out of shape this morning. Almost forgot the gift basket. I stood up and presented it to her, pointing at the contents through the ribbons. "This is from Tyler, he wanted you to have it. Chocolates, bath salts and complementary loofah."

The woman accepted the basket from my hands, looked me in the eye and spitefully let it fall on the floor at our feet. Little wrapped chocolates, which I knew were delicious, spilt all over the place.

Guess she didn't like it, then.

The woman gritted her perfect white teeth and said, "If you think- If Tyler thinks he can just send me away with a gift basket... And what are you... What sort of man is he? He sends his little sister to break up with me?"

"That's me!" I said with a quiet Ta-da!

She didn't appreciate it. She paced up and down the living room, Tyler's shirt billowing behind her. "That bastard! I thought we- He couldn't even do a text? He's got no balls at all!"

I covered my ears and eww'd. "You'd know best. I haven't checked. Let's not go there, please."

Three minutes later, I called Tyler. He was driving, I could hear the street ambiance from his hands-free.

"What did she break?" he asked, cool as ice.

"Lemme see. A plate. Your carpet will need some soda and rubbing. Why do you always go for the strawberry jam? It leaves stains. A couple of torn buttons on the shirt. Kicked the gift basket. Slammed the door. Huh. You got off easy, I figured she was a tornado class 5. This was barely a 2," I said, leaning down to the fallen gift basket.

"Which one did you give her?" Tyler asked.

"The 200 euro one. Doesn't matter, she didn't accept it." I opened a closet and put the gift basket back in it's place. The shelves were full of more ready-made gift baskets, ribbons and everything.

"The 200? Why not the 100 euro one?" Tyler asked.

"Are you kidding me?" I said munching. "I took one look at her. That woman does not know what cellulite is. That butt was worth 200 euros of goodie bag, at the very least. Trust me."

Tyler grunted like all satisfied men do. "Yeah... It sure did. Are you eating the goodie bag chocolate?"

"I'm hungry!" I whined as I gulped it down. "Plus I need some energy for my job hunting."

"Okay. Good luck, see you for lunch," my brother said.