Heartbreaker - Episode 1

Guns And Apples

Turns out, Harmony was right.

"I don't believe you! My bae wouldn't do this to me," the big angry Cretan said, waving his shotgun around.

I was peeking in from the kitchen door, crouched down and presenting as small a target as possible.

I leaned in and said, "Your 'bae,'" with air quotes, "has hired me to handle your breakup."

The Cretan pointed the shotgun at me and yelled, "You liar!"

Oh shit.

Then as I repositioned my weight to dart back in a hurry, a small weighty thing in my pocket hit on the door-frame with a hollow thud.

"I have proof," I said quickly. "Just open this and you'll believe me."

I took it out of my pocket and presented it to him, waiting for him to see it clearly.

It was shiny and golden, a wooden apple-shaped box. I waited for a mumbled 'okay' from the angry man and with extremely slow movements, I rolled it towards him on the floor.

I peeked around, he was interested, no longer pointing his shotgun at me. He pucked it up, twisted it and it popped open. He looked at it's contents.

Then the big scary man sagged and fell on his knees, ready to burst into tears.

I came out of hiding and said, "As you see Mister, your 'bae' has decided to break up with you. That is physical proof for the message I carry."

The big scary man let the shotgun fall on the floor with a thud. He picked up a keepsake from the golden apple and held it in his huge fingers. Then he let it all out, weeped and blew his nose on his t-shirt. "My sweet Lily... Why?"

Great. Another job well done.

I walked beside him carefully, hesitated, and then patted him on the back. His huge muscles were jerking as he wept. "There there," I said.

Yeap, this is my favourite job in the world. I'm just the messenger. If you see me, prepare to be heartbroken.