The Innocent Can Never Last

While In The East Bay

Emma's POV

Billie Joe stayed at my house for the rest of the week, but what I had expected to be a fun week just hanging out with my best friend turned out to be the exact opposite. Billie Joe was sullen and subdued for the majority of the week, too worried about his mother to care about anything else. My mom had been in contact with Ollie several times since that night, and I had a feeling she had seen her, too, but the only thing she would say was that Ollie was working on getting everything packed up during the day while Steve was at work. Once she had everything she needed, Ollie would leave a note and flee across town to her sister Ruth's house. No matter how much my mom told Billie that Ollie was fine, he wouldn't believe her, insisting that if one thing went wrong, Steve would kill Ollie.
Mike came by every day after school with our homework, and by doing it all together, Billie and I were able to keep from falling behind, {Not that he really cared.} Like I said before, Billie's mind was on other things, and at times I wondered if he was thinking about more than just his mother. He would often look at me with a strange, far-away look in his eyes, as if he was planning something and he wasn't really looking at me, but past me.
Over the course of the week, I was able to figure out that Billie wasn't sleeping very well, which would explain why he always seemed tired and ragged. One night, I was sleeping in my room, when I was suddenly woken by a shrill cry from the living room, where Billie had been sleeping on the couch. I quickly got out of bed and ran into the living room, where I found Billie, sitting on the floor in a ball, shaking madly, looking like he was trying to supress another yell. "Billie," I said slowly, and he jumped, as if the sound of my voice had startled him.
Billie looked at me for a few seconds before saying, "They won't stop, I can't get them to stop."
I sat down next to Billie Joe and sighed, resting my hand on his knee. "You're having nightmares, is that it?" I asked.
"Yeah," Billie answered. "Bad ones, too."
"Do you wanna talk about them, maybe that would help," I suggested.
Billie nodded, and let out a rattley breath. "It's always the same nightmare," he said. "It starts out with Steve yelling at me for something really stupid, and then he...hits me...and I run up to my room and pull out a blade...and cut myself."
I took Billie's hand in mine and squeezed it, saying, "Go ahead."
"Only in my dream, I keep cutting myself, over and over again, until I wake up. But when I wake up I can actually feel the pain again, I can taste the bile in the back of my throat, I can feel the tension in the air...it's like everything's happening again, and I'm scared Emma. I'm scared that I'm gonna wake up one night and there will really be blood gushing out of my wrists, and I really will die this time. I'm scared, Emma," Billie said.
"You have a reason to be, Bill," I said. "But you're gonna be alright. It will take a while, yes, but you'll be allright. Come here."
I pulled Billie to me, and hugged him. Billie put his head on my shoulder, as I began humming to myself, trying to calm his fears. It worked, and slowly but surely, Billie's breathing slowed down, and his eyelids closed. I leaned back against the couch, hoping childishly that maybe if I held him all night long, I could make his nightmares go away. Maybe I could calm the fear that lived inside him. Maybe, just maybe...
The next morning, I woke up on the living room floor with a stiff neck and sore muscles, no doubt a result of sleeping on the floor all night. I glanced toward the clock and saw that it was about ten a.m. Billie was curled up next to me, shivering a bit, {that living room was cold} but sleeping peacefully nonetheless. I covered Billie with a blanket, as I smiled to myself, wondering faintly why I always felt all warm and fuzzy inside when I saw him, before picking myself up off the floor and staggering into the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator, looking for something to eat, and when I didn't find anything that looked appealing, I figured that if I could get Billie up at a decent time we could go out and get something instead. I bounded up the stairs and into the bathroom, where I quickly took a shower and then returned to my bedroom to get dressed.
When I was all ready, I went downstairs and found Billie standing in front of the refridgerator with a flustered look on his face. He turned towards me as I entered the room and said, "There's nothing to eat in your house."
"Yeah, I know," I said. "I was thinking maybe we could go out and get something...if you're up to it."
"Yeah, I'm up for it," Billie replied. "Let me shower first, though...I haven't showered in like, two days..."
"Neither had I until just a little bit ago," I answered. "There was no need to...we haven't been anywhere."
"Yeah," Billie said, heading over to the door and disappearing up the stairs.
I sat down at the kitchen table, and a few minutes later, I heard the sound of running water, and then, to my surprise, the sound of Billie singing the Ramones' "Blitzkreig Bop" at the top of his lungs. I sighed, and relaxed into the chair, feeling content just listening to that voice that I had missed so much over the past several weeks, thinking that maybe today would actually be a good day. I hadn't heard Billie sing since before his suicide attempt, and the sound of his singing had been sorely missed. I wondered what had made him happy enough to sing at the top of his lungs.
Fifteen minutes later, Billie came bouncing down the stairs, looking very refreshed and rejuvenated. He smiled at me, and I was thrilled to see that it was actually a real smile, instead of the usual forced grimace. "Well, this is a nice change!" I exclaimed, getting up and throwing an arm around Billie's shoulders.
"I feel good today, I don't know why," Billie said. "I'm allowed to have good days, right?"
"Of course, love," I replied, hugging Billie tighter. "I want you to have good days!"
Billie grinned at me again, before saying, "Let's get out of here, I'm starving!"
"Yes, let's," I said, grabbing my keys off the fridge and heading towards the front door.
Billie and I walked out to my car and got in. "Where to?" I asked, leaning on the steering wheel as I waited for an answer.
"Hmm...who has good breakfast?" Billie asked.
"Well, the Cracker Barrel is always good, but it'll take us a while to get there," I answered.
"Let's go there. They have good food and we haven't been there for a while," Billie said.
"Okey dokey," I said, putting the car in reverse and pulling out of the driveway.
The restauraunt we were going to was located in Berkeley's East Bay, so it took us a good hour to get there, but we didn't care. The city of Berkeley had been tugging at my heartstrings since I was five years old; I loved that city like it was human, and I knew that Billie felt the same way. Every chance we got, we went out to Berkeley to hang out for the day, vowing that as soon as we were old enough; we would drive out to that city and stay there for keeps.
When Billie and I reached our destination, we got out of my beat up car and headed inside the restauraunt, where we were immediately seated.
"What are you getting?" Billie asked, from across the table, as I scanned through the menu.
"I don't know, I'm in the mood for french toast," I answered.
"Then get french toast," Billie said.
"Yeah, good idea," I said stupidly, as Billie gave me a weird look. "What are you getting?"
"I think I'll get the sampler. You know, a little bit of everything," Billie replied, and I grinned and shook my head.
"Typical boy," I said, with a smirk.
"Hey, I'm a growing boy, give me a break," Billie said, and I laughed so hard that people actually turned around and stared.
It was hard to picture Billie getting any taller. He had always been so...well, short. The poor kid was seventeen, and he still hadn't gone through his growth spurt. He was taller than me, though, and that was something.

"You know, being suspended is great," Billie said, thirty minutes later, as he was polishing off the last of his bacon.
"Speak for yourself, I have to graduate," I replied, picking at a piece of toast.
"Aww...come on! You gotta live on the edge a little, Emma! And I know you love it just as much as I do!" Billie exclaimed.
"Yes...well..." I cut off, knowing that no excuses were needed. I loved being suspended; Billie was right. And why shouldn't I? I got to spend a whole week doing anything that I pleased, not to mention, I didn't get even get in trouble. On the flipside, my mom had laughed when I told her what had happened, and she told me that she didn't even care, as long as I didn't kill anyone in the fight. The fact of the matter was that my mom had gotten into so much trouble as a kid that it would be completely hypocritical for her to scold me for getting into a fist fight in the hallway. Yes...being suspended was great. I grinned at Billie, and he grinned back. "See, you love it, just admit it," he said.
"Yes, Billie, I do," I said.
Billie stuck his tongue out at me, before saying, "C'mon, let's pay and get out of here."
Billie picked up the check that the waitress had dropped off several minutes earlier, and together, we walked up to the counter and paid for our food.
After leaving the restauraunt, Billie and I decided to go out to our favorite pier in the bay, which had been one of our favorite hang-out spots of the past years. We hadn't been there in quite a while, not since before Billie's suicide attempt, anyway.
Upon reaching the bay, I parked my car in some deserted parking lot of an old warehouse where a bunch of modern-day hippies lived, and Billie and I both got out and walked several blocks down, before reaching the old wooden pier that we both loved so much, as we quietly took in the sights and smells of the beautiful Pacific.
"Ahh...I love this place," Billie said, leaning gently on the wooden rail as he stared out at the vast blue ocean.
"Do you remember when we used to come out here on the weekends and just sit here for hours?" I asked, leaning on the rail as well.
"Yeah," Billie answered. "You would sit next to me and watch the gulls fly in and out of the water while I would sit there and write in my little notebook."
I grinned, as a sudden image popped into my head, one of Billie Joe sitting cross-legged on the pier, writing furiously in his little green notebook, the back of his hand covered in pen ink.
"But that was before everything started happening. You know...with me," Billie said.
"Yeah," I said. "I miss those days when everything was so carefree."
Billie nodded, and gazed out towards the ocean for a minute, before saying, "Do you remember that book 'The Outsiders' that we read in like, seventh grade?"
"Yeah," I answered, staring Billie straight in the face.
"Well, I think I finally understand what Johnny meant when he said that nothing gold ever stays."
I thought about it for a minute, before saying, "Yeah, I think I do, too."
Suddenly, the wind, which had been blowing gently since we had arrived, picked up by a considerable amount, and Billie and I were both blasted with a fierce gust of icy sea spray. Unfortunately for me, all I was wearing was a t-shirt and a pair of holy jeans, and as soon as the water hit me, my skin erupted in little goosebumps. "Ohh...brr..." I said, as my teeth began chattering.
Billie grinned at me and said, "Here, come to Papa, I'll keep you warm!"
I grinned wildly and threw myself into Billie's open arms, and he wrapped me tightly against himself. For once, I felt like he was the one comforting and protecting me, instead of vice versa, so I wrapped my arms around his waist, and buried my face in his shirt, taking in his warm, fresh scent. I suddenly felt warm from head to toe, as a pleasant tingling feeling began running up and down my body. I hugged Billie tighter, and he began running his hand up and down my back, as he put his head on my shoulder and sighed in contentment.
It took me a few minutes to realize that we were embracing one another as if we were lovers, and when this thought finally hit me, I quickly pushed myself away from Billie. I stared at him, wide-eyed, as everything suddenly fell into place.
I loved Billie Joe. I was crazy, head-over-heels in love with my best friend in the whole world. That was the only thing to explain why I was always getting either goosebumps or that pleasant tingly feeling at his touch, and why his smile made me melt away, as well as my feeling of such deep contentment while in his presence. I loved Billie Joe.
Billie and I stared at each other in shock for several seconds, before I saw something flicker in his foggy eyes, and I was suddenly assured that he felt the same way. Letting a low moan escape from my throat, I rushed forward without hesitation and threw myself right into Billie's open arms.