The Boy With Blue Eyes {A Kurt Cobain Story}

Time and Time Again

"You know, I don't think she'll suspect a thing KC. We accomplished our goal..."

Kurt and I decided to just camp out in the living room tonight since it was so late after we had finished, Kurt insisted I stay.

Tracy was pulling a graveyard shift at work so Kurt wanted some company anyway. And who am I to deny best friend time?

He smiled a tad as we both just laid out on the floor, the tv going as background noise to our conversation.

"Thanks Bean. And for cleaning, it was actually fun. Who knew."

I laughed slightly at his goofy grin he pulled, poking his cheek as he pouted slightly, before a serious look crossed his face, making me stare at him.

Oh no. Brooding Kurt is here. Which usually makes me worry.

"What's wrong Coco...?"

He just stared at me as I looked right back at him, my heart racing faster and faster as the time went by, both of us silent.

Sometimes all we have to do is have a conversation with our eyes and that's all it takes. Hell we perfected that when we were mere shits.

He shook his head suddenly as his eyes softly closed, his jaw clenched.

"I miss shit like this Bean. We've been growing up and it just seems like life gets boring then. We wanted so badly to grow up and get the hell on with this life everyone claims is amazing. Get away from our parents and all the shit they pulled on us....."

I sighed a little as I picked up a cover from the couch, slinging it over us as I softly wrapped my arm around Kurt, resting my head on his shoulder.

Life really hasn't been all that easy. I agree with that. Going from job to job isn't fun. Moving away from all the shit has been the best part. Like my mother.

She's moved on with some man she met at a bar and is pregnant with his baby.

My sister Sara got out of there with some friends and is currently traveling around to random places with her music buddies.

And then there's me, job after job, home after home. But the one thing that always remains is Kurt.

And that's the thing that means the most to me. That's what I want to stay. Is Kurt.

"I know. I'm glad to be free of parents. We're finally old enough. And don't be so gloomy man! You've got a band kick started with Krist and it's going great. You've got a gig lined up soon. And you've also got this awesome apartment with a amazing woman as your girlfriend...."

Tracy is truly an awesome woman. And she makes Kurt happy it seems.

But everytime I look at them, it feels like my stomach is going to fall the fuck out. Kurt.... he means everything to me.

He was the first person I ever did anything with. He's my best friend. But he's also much more than that to me.

But I always hide shit... I'm good at that.

Kurt sighed a little as I finally got a tiny smile to break out onto his lips, his arm coming to rest over my waist as we hugged.

Cobain hugs rule man....

"I know. And I also got another fucking amazing woman in my life. She happens to be laying right on me. And may I mention she's gotten me through a lot of shit... and I mean a lot. If it weren't for her and her help, I might not be here right now. And she's supportive of everything I do. Like the band.... which I'm hoping will go somewhere real fucking soon..."

I laughed at the look on his face as I just simply stared off into those fucking beautiful blue eyes of his, a softly smile coming to rest on my lips at his words.

"It will Kurt. Trust me. It's you we're talking about. Like I've said several times over, your voice is pure sex. Your writing is fantastic. And you.... you are just amazing. Don't fucking forget that Kurt. Because I won't let you anyway. And fuck yeah I'm amazing! But thank you for telling me."

He chuckled a little as he rolled his eyes, both of us just hugging as we both got super still, our eyes lingering on one another, that serious look coming to his eyes.

"I just want to kiss you so fucking bad Bean...."

My eyes widened slightly as my heart seemed to skip a bit from his words, the look on his face instantly making me melt.

"Should we....?"

Before I knew it, his lips smashed down onto mine and the world just seemed to vanish around us as I hugged him tighter to me, so many emotions coursing through me as I finally pulled away from him, wide eyed as we both looked at one another, completely silent.

"Kurt...."

He shook his head a little as he gripped my waist, making me sigh slightly as he suddenly placed his hands on my face, my emotions getting the better of me as I looked into his blue eyes, seeing some unknown look in them.

"I.... I.... fuck it. I.... love you Bean."

Tears started to slowly descend down my cheeks as I looked at him, shaking my head as I slowly sat up against the couch.

"I love you too Kurt.... But.... you know we can't. We can't..."

He rose up with me as I just lost it and kissed him once more, putting all my emotion into it as I pulled away, seeing tears in his eyes, anger and sadness laced through them.

"I know.... I fucking know! Fuck Bean...."

I looked all around the apartment as I saw random things lingering about that were Tracy's and i felt so bad.

Tracy is such a good woman and I should never have done that.

But it's Kurt... he's my fucking weakness man. He always has been....

But it's like the fucking world conspires against us and wants us to be apart. It feels like we'd be two fucked up shits together.

Both of us our toxic.... And we know it. We're destined to be.

And I would never ever want to fuck anything up with Kurt that we already have.

I love him too much for that. I really do.....

We both looked at one another with the same thoughts crossing over to one another, our eyes glossed over from the tears we'd been crying from sadness and anger.

"I'm sorry Kurt..... I'm so fucking sorry. I want.... you know. So bad. But how could we? We can't fuck a good thing up."

He shook his head just as he laced his arm around my shoulder, both of us just staring off into the tv screen, looking right through it as he suddenly kissed the top of my head.

And I wanted to cry again.

This is fucking me up.....