Why Is It So Hard To Breathe

The First Time You Knew

March 17th, 2016
3:12 pm

I was sitting on my bed, when messenger went off. We were texting on face book and we were just talking about life. I looked at what you texted me. My eyes widened as I saw your text. I guess I really shouldn't have been surprised, but I was.

'I know who you like' the text said.

My heart skipped a beat. I responded with, "Yea. Who do I like?"

I knew some one told you, but my I still was nervous. I didn't want to say anything anymore. I gave my friend permissions to say, but I didn't know you were gonna respond like that. Some part of me a was scared to let you know I liked you, but the other was glad that it wasn't a secret.

'Me'

I smiled and started to giggle. My cheeks heated up at the sight of one word. I dropped my tablet on my bed, and started running around the room. The I heard another ping. I ran back to my bed and sat down. I looked at the message.

'Do you know who Kayla is?' He asked.

'Yea. Shes a friend.' I responded.

He sent a thumbs up and we talked for a bit and how she told him to ask me out 9 times.

'That's embarrassing...' I told him.

'How?' He asked.

'It just is.'

We didn't talk for another hour until I decided to talk again, and even then, it wasn't really a conversation to tell everyone about. But we talked, and he didn't care if I liked him or not. He didn't find me weird.

I guess he goes by General Marshmallow. That what he called himself in the chat group we were on. I'm commander Te. My friend is soldier Rose, since we love Doctor Who.

What really gets me is the fact that...

I guess...

I don't know, he likes me?

But he can't go out with me because of this stupid bro-code. Sure, I went out with his best friend, who goes by General Taco. his friend made me feel... Stupid.
Different.
Empty...

My friends try to keep me happy, which they do a very good job at. My friend Rae loves to hang out with me. And I smile at her everytime. What I want in life is to know why people like me, love me, or even are friends with me.

I feel as if I'm a pain, as if I bother people, as if I'm annoying. Many can argue that. Many can say, "Te. You aren't any of those."

I know I am... and that's the problem. I'm not depressed. I'm not mad, but I don't feel happy all the time.

So... I guess this is my new diary. The Diary of Te November... of my life.

~Te

Ps...

I will try to write everyday...