Ever Enough (Girlxgirl)

CHAPTER 10

My mom had woken me up early today. I'd cried myself to sleep last night. Just like the last two days. Mia called twice. Once on Friday and once yesterday. I couldn't bring myself to pick up. My mom had brought me food to my room and it sat there until she removed it. I hadn't eaten since Friday morning. I was too nausous to eat anything.

She didn't know. She didn't know how much it hurt. No one did. And today in the shower, I turned the water to the highest temperature, eager to feel something other than the stinging of mental abuse. And I felt it. Flowing down my body, burning my back. It hurt but felt so good.

When I was out, I slid on jeans and a sweatshirt. I couldn't stand to look at the plethra of clothing I owned. I couldn't find happiness in the pretty fabric and patterns and frilly dresses. I only found pleasure in touch and go. My mom ate breakfast, asking me if I wanted anything. I told her I'd tell her when I did. My voice void of emotion. Washed out. Flat. There was nothing in it. Had they finally broken my spirit? My pride? I'd never felt like this.

The car ride was exhausting, even if I was just sitting there. I dozed off and my mom woke me up when we got there. The elavator ride up was agonizing. The waiting room made me want to stab myself. My mom took hold of my hand as I was called back. The nurse told me to sit tight, in the blue pants I had to wear for procedure. I should be happy.

I should be smiling. As the doctor came in to confirm sizing and whatnot, I should be giddy. But no. My happiness was stolen from me. Would I ever be happy again?

The nurse came back in, putting a mask on me. My mom smiled as she turned on the gas that would put me under. I was glad. To get out of my head. To shut up. To stop thinking. As the world started to blur around me, I gave a sigh of releif.

At least I'd get somewhat of a peaceful sleep.  

*** 

My eyes flitted open. The room was quiet, save for the beeping of the monitor and my own breathing. Slowly, I brought my hand to my chest. A thick bandage surrounded my chest tightly, but I felt two sizable lumps there. My neck was stiff and my body was sore. I just wanted to get home to my own bed.

The door opened, and I looked at the doctor and my mom. They were both smiling at me. "How are you feeling?" The doctor asked. I shrugged and mumbled a one word answer. "Do you feel pain at all?" She asked me, before I could respond, she added; "Discomfort? I can prescribe something for that." I shook my head. I only felt extremely tired and burnt out.

"Alright, well you're free to go," she turned curtly and exited the room, handing my mom a prescription slip. I slid out of bed carefully and changed back into the clothes I wore here.

On the way home, my mom made me go shopping for bras. I wasn't much into it. I picked out some lacey ones and some pink ones, but that's regulation now. I know what normal me would like. I'd probably be squealing right now.

If I was myself.

But I was gone. Burried under pain. Hatered.

When I got home, my brother and Ethan greeted me with chocolate and a huge oversized teddy bear. I gave a weak smile to them and had help carrying my stuff up to my room. Once alone, I changed into hot pink basketball shorts, not even bothering with a shirt and laying in bed, grabbing my laptop and phone and starting a movie, thinking I should stop being a piss poor excuse for a girlfriend and text Mia back.

>I'm so sorry about ignoring you. 

>How are you feeling? Your operation was today right?  

>I'm tired and sad. I need my cuddle buddy. 

>I'll be over. Give me fifteen minutes. Do you want anything?